


Freak Show

by GeeKnProuD



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempted Suicide, Bigotry toward Mutants, Depression, Double Penetration, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Loki can be a little shit sometimes, Multi, Mutant, Polyamory, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - F/M/M, f/m - Freeform, steve rogers is a great friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-07-08 07:20:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15925601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeeKnProuD/pseuds/GeeKnProuD
Summary: Angel is a mutant who feels unworthy of even life itself. Self-hatred has led her down a path of destruction of her own making. Perhaps it takes someone, or maybe more than one person to make her see her worth.





	1. Freak Show

**Author's Note:**

  * For [melodymishahiddlestan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodymishahiddlestan/gifts).



Angel

“You’re on in five minutes!” The booming voice of the stage manager echoed in my ears, making me cringe inwardly from the raspy sound of it. Like he’d been smoking way too long and definitely should see a Doctor about that chronic cough he has. But that was the least of my worries. 

When I didn’t respond to him, pretending not to hear due to having my earbuds in, he grew impatient. “Candy! Tell her to get her ass on stage! Now!” He exited the dressing room, grumbling under his breath.

The tall blonde sitting to my right sighed heavily, “Why do you always do this? It just pisses him off. Then he takes it out on all of us. You better get on stage if you know what’s good for you.” 

Good for me? Apparently I didn’t know what that was anymore. I doubt I ever did. 

Taking out my earbuds, I carefully rolled them up and put them along with my iPod on my dressing table. I turned my emerald green eyes onto the big busted bitch, glaring daggers at her. She immediately backed away, eyes widening in fear.

I’ve never done a single thing to hurt anyone before, yet they all avoided me like the plague. Perhaps it was my stand-offish attitude, or the way I carried myself.

No, that wasn’t it at all, though I think it helped. What really threw people, was that since the age of thirteen, I have two large black wings. Combined with my piercing eyes and long black as midnight hair, I apparently, to the average folk, looked like a demon.

I never really saw myself being an exotic dancer before, emphasis on the exotic. But I had to make money somehow to live, especially when no one else would hire me. I guess having an employee that looks like someone out of a horror movie, is kind of a turn off, well except for here of course.

I stood to my full 5’10” height, towering over most of the girls currently staring at me. Without a word, I curled my wings tight to my back and walked out toward the stage.

My wings were only huge when I spread them out to their full length. Normally I just keep them as close to my back as possible, you know, to seem more normal. Whatever that is.

To the regular passerby, I could pass as someone carrying a black backpack, only this backpack had feathers. 

I approached the back entrance to the stage. Mark, the guy in charge of all the music, arched an eyebrow at my current outfit. “Well if that don’t fit the part.” 

“Play number twelve on my playlist and keep your comments to yourself.” 

He rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say Freak.” 

There was a time those words brought on tears, but now all that’s left is a hollow shell of a person I use to be. My very soul has been beaten down into the dirt and lay rotting like last weeks trash. 

The stage manager Gary, took the mic and began to introduce me.

“Gentlemen...and some ladies, get ready for a treat tonight! She’s dark and scary, but sexy as hell. She will melt your soul and harden your dicks. Prepare yourselves, say your prayers, because Hell has spewed up its darkest creature. It’s Freak Show!” 

The lights darkened around the stage as the crowd cheered. I could tell from the sound that it was a busy Friday night. Typical I suppose. Not that I cared to even acknowledge anyone who gawked at me.

The song that began to play WAS fitting for the outfit I wore. It was ‘Whore’ by In This Moment. Somehow it seemed appropriate. 

I went on stage and began to dance, gliding my hands over my body. Just before reaching the pole, the song beat began to crest. I spread my wings as far as they would go. 

The crowd erupted into whistles and jeers. I could see all the faces before me, some in shock, obviously their first time here. Others waving money in the air trying to lure me over, hoping to cop a feel.

The intense emotions of every person there tried to flood my mind. So I closed myself off, refusing to feel anything. Not when I’m here, not when I feel like the lowest of lows. I can’t bare feeling what they feel. 

Being a powerful Empath doesn’t help with trying to act normal. Being able to feel the emotions and changing moods of everyone around me was bad enough, but I soon discovered if I concentrated, I could force certain emotions onto someone. 

I don’t really use my powers though, at least on others. It took many years of practice and suffering before I learned to block people out. Now it seems I’m so dead inside, that the only real emotions I feel anymore, are those of everyone else.

My mind went elsewhere as I continued to dance and gyrate on stage. Men began to shove bills into my g-string, but I barely register it all. It all was happening, but I was detached from it. Refusing to fully be in the moment, afraid of truly seeing how far I’ve sunk.

When I first came here, homeless, hungry and desperate, I was told I could pick my own stage name. Originally I picked the name Hell’s Angel, but that didn’t last long at all. Customers kept asking for the Freak Show for a lap dance, a private show. “When will the Freak be on again?”

It just sort of stuck after that. I barely even register that my real name is Angel Cortez. She died a long time ago, right along with all my hopes and dreams of a happy life. No, only the Freak Show remains. So that’s what I give them. 

I opened my eyes after finishing my dance and noticed a group of men sitting near the stage that I’d never seen before. Newbies from the look of it, probably a Bachelor party. 

One in particular stood out above all the others. Not just because he seemed to have a metal arm, which I guess was weird, but it was the look on his face that caught my attention. He looked...sad. 

I blinked a few times, taken aback by how he stood there, arms crossed over his chest and stared at me. I backed away and quickly went back stage. 

I bypassed Gary and Mark, even Candy who was next to go on. My heart was pounding and I couldn’t figure out why. Why did this one man and his intense stare bother me so?! The looks of those in the club have never made me feel like this. 

I felt exposed, well, more than just my tits currently on display. I wrapped my wings around my body, curling them protectively around me. I had let my control slip for a single moment and his emotions slammed into me. Sorrow, pain, pity and some healthy sized lust all poured out of him in waves. 

I quickly gathered my tips when I got back to the changing room, refusing to let the others see how upset I was. I just wanted to go home, now! 

“Just where the hell do you think you’re going?” 

I turned and Gary stood in the doorway, glaring at me. “Home. I’m not feeling well.”

“Bullshit! I don’t care if it’s your God Damn time of the month, you’re not going anywhere. You have at least ten people all waiting for a lap dance from the Freak Show.”

“Not tonight! I just...can’t.” I couldn’t tell him why. Letting that one man’s emotions in, set off an avalanche of my own. One after the other racing through my mind, trying to consume me. Self loathing was a huge one. Deep, powerful depression, wanting to swallow me whole.

“Fuck that! But I’ll tell you what, we’ll make a deal. I’ve got one man wanting to pay $5000 dollars for a private lap dance from you. If you do this one dance, you can take the next two days off. How does that sound?” 

I stared at him in shock, “Five thousand dollars? What the fuck?” He smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “What can I say, he must get off on freaks.”

Five thousand dollars! My share would be half that once Gary takes his part. It was just what I needed right now. I’ve been trying to save money to get a better place to live, but everywhere was so expensive! Deposit,first and last months rent...let’s not forget about utilities deposit!

I chewed on my bottom lip a moment before taking a deep breath. “Alright, Just this one dance. Then I can go?”

He grinned wide, “Absolutely! Who knows maybe more people will pay good money for you.” He walked out laughing. It made me feel sick to my stomach. I may look the part, but I’m not a damn whore! I have never had sex with any client, ever!

I cleaned up and redressed in my previous outfit. Black four inch heels and black leather bustier and black panties to match and garter belt. I found myself nervous, it’s been quite a while since I’ve felt this way before a dance. 

Making my way toward the private rooms at the other end of the club, I tried to remember if I saw any patrons who could fit the bill to be able to pay that much money for a fifteen minute dance. They weren’t even allowed to touch me for Christ’s sake. Who does that?!

The green light was on over private room number one. It was my color. He was in there, whoever he was. 

Schooling my face and reminding myself why I’m doing this, I opened the door. 

“Hi.”

I froze in the doorway, staring dumbly at the same man I saw in the Bachelor party. The man with the metal arm.

I quickly closed the door behind me, willing my heart to slow down. I refused to allow my control to slip again. Not after what I felt from him before.

“Hi.” I walked closer to where he sat in the wooden chair in the middle of the room. “So, you’re the one with the deep pockets, willing to throw it away in fifteen minutes of your life.”

He laughed nervously and wrung his hands in his lap. “Well, actually, it’s not my money. It’s a..friend’s deep pockets.” Ah, I see.

Closer I came and took him all in. Built frame and soft brown hair that touched his shoulders. He had gorgeous blue green eyes that seem to hold so many secrets. I’m not sure how I knew that. But I did.

“So you must be the reason for the Bachelor party. When are you getting married? Do you think your fiancé would approve of this?” I smirked at him and flung my wings out to the side, watching his eyes go wide.

“I, Uh, no, wait..what? No I’m not getting married, that’s Sam, he’s the birdbrain getting hitched. Oh, I Uh mean...not that I’m insulting birds or anything, or that I think you’re a bird...shit this is not how it’s suppose to go.”

I rose an eyebrow at him tripping over his words. I found it odd that anyone would even try to NOT insult me. Who is this man?

“Hmm, I see. So let’s get started shall we? Your time started the moment I shut that door.” I stalked toward him and slid my hands down across my breasts and began to sway my hips. 

“Rule number one. No touching. Only I am allowed to touch you. Rule number two..”

He interrupted me, “Really? I can’t touch you at all?” Even he was taken aback by his own question.

“That’s right, now, Rule number two, no fucking. I’m not a damn whore so you will not be getting your cock wet tonight, got it? If that’s what you’re expecting then you can leave now.”

I crossed my arms across my chest and waited for him to speak. “No! God of course not! I’m not even here to watch you dance...although, if you still want to..” His smile did funny things to my stomach.

I shrugged and began to dance, talking to him as I did so. I couldn’t seem to help myself. Normally I keep my mouth shut. What is it with this guy?!

“Ever had a lap dance before?” I’m not sure why I was even curious. He tensed as I walked around him, stroking my hand across his shoulders. 

“No, this is definitely my first time.”

“Interesting.” Without warning, I spun around and planted my ass in his lap, wings spread wider to allow his chest to touch my back. I gyrated my hips and leaned back against him.

He groaned and gripped the bottom of the chair with enough force that I could have swore I heard the chair crack. “Dammit!” I couldn’t help but smile. 

For some odd reason, I wanted to make this good for him. I couldn’t explain it. Maybe it was the fact he was treating me like a normal person, or maybe it’s the fact he’s down right delicious. Could be both.

Spinning around, I straddled his lap and settled over his crotch. “What’s your name?” I paused and pulled back a bit. 

“Why do you want to know? Besides, didn’t you hear, it’s Freak Show.” He frowned and shook his head. “No, not the bullshit name these assholes gave you. I’m talking about your real name.”

I ran my hands down his chest, feeling the strength underneath. “My name isn’t important.” He hissed as my fingers grazed his erection behind the zipper of his jeans.

“Of course it is.” 

“What’s your name?” I decided to turn the tables on him, along with rubbing my breasts across his chest. 

“Bucky, my name’s Bucky. Now, your name.” What a strange name. Fine, I guess him knowing my name couldn’t hurt.

“Angel.” 

“Really? You’re pulling my leg.” He didn’t believe me. Wouldn’t be the first.

“What can I say, I was given the wrong name.” He frowned again, which made me want to put that smile back on his face. 

“Seriously? Your name is really Angel? Well, it suits you.” I found myself staring into his eyes, wishing he was right.

“More like Demon would be more fitting, I’m far from being an Angel, darlin. You know, for someone who’s suppose to be getting a lap dance worth five grand, you don’t seem to be enjoying yourself.” 

I knew he was enjoying it from the the bulge currently poking my pussy, but I still couldn’t help myself to tease him.

“Oh Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I’m enjoying this. But seriously, I did t come here to get off, I came here to see if you...fuck!”

I rolled my hips and moved with the sultry music, raking my hands through his hair. His head was thrown back, exposing the expanse of his throat. God he was beautiful like this.

“Angel, please, you gotta...holy shit!” I licked up his neck and nipped on his chin, determined to make him cum. I couldn’t seem to help myself.

My concentration slipped and I gasped, rolling my hips harder as his lust nearly blinded me. “Oh God!” 

I felt all of what he was feeling, and it poured through me like an electric current. I was so distracted that I didn’t even notice he had released his grip on the chair.

It was like I was on a runaway train, unable to stop myself from trying to bring him to his peak, piggybacking on his pleasure, making it my own.

His metal arm gripped my ass and rolled me harder against him as his other hand tangled in my hair, pulling me hard against his body. His lips taking mine in a kiss that took my breath away. 

We panted into each other’s mouths as we each crested at the same time. My orgasm hit me hard and unexpectedly, apparently so did his. He cried out and clung to me, shaking and moaning loudly. 

The moment it was over I was mortified! I have never crossed that line before. Not until he showed up! 

It was at that moment as we’re staring wide eyed at each other,that the door to the room flew open with a loud bang. A large blonde man rushed in and froze as he looked at us both. 

“Bucky, why aren’t you answering your coms...oh man! Oops, sorry, Uh, I’ll just, yeah, I’ll just be outside when you’re done.”

He rushed out and slammed the door shut, his voice carrying through the thin wood. “Bucky’s a little busy right now guys, he’s not...done. Well, I mean he’s done, but, you know what, he’s a big boy, he can finish this on his own.”

Bucky groaned and stared up at the ceiling. “Fuck! Steve will never let me hear the end of this.”

I quickly stood up off his lap and stumbled back, appalled at my own actions. “I’m sorry, I gotta go!” 

I ran out the door, his voice calling out after me. “Angel, wait! Don’t go! Please! Let me help you.” I refused to listen to a word he said. I couldn’t stand to be in the building for one moment longer.

I hated myself even more than before, if it were at all possible. How could I have allowed myself to act this way? I have always remained detached from my clients, but somehow this man broke through. 

I exited quickly out the back door that led to the alley. There was a shortcut through there to get to my place. 

Just as I made it out into the warm night air, I ran smack dab into the chest of a tall black haired man in a pitch black suit. “Ow!” He didn’t even budge.

His left hand reached out and grabbed me around my right bicep, holding me steady. The strength in his grip made me instantly want to pull away. But he wouldn’t let me go.

“Angel! Where are you?” I gasped at hearing Bucky still coming after me. What the hell?!

“Let me go!” 

The tall man smiled and held up his right hand, “Sorry, can’t do that my Dear, it would be counterproductive to why I’m actually here. For you.” 

Just as Bucky came running through the back door behind me, the other man suddenly reached out and grabbed my forehead, a bright light flooded my mind, numbing me all over in an instant, making everything go black.

 

Bucky

“What the hell, Loki?! Why’d you do that? I had it all under control.” 

He rolled his eyes and picked up the mutant as if she weighed nothing, her wings falling limp over his arm. “Oh yes, the situation was definitely under control. Is that why she was running from you like Hell was on her heels? Perhaps it should have been me to approach her, like I originally suggested.”

I ran my hand down my face and grimaced at the wet feeling in my jeans. Loki caught the action.

“Well, I see it wasn’t a total loss. At least you enjoyed yourself.” He winked at me and then proceeded to turn and walk off back down the Alley to the black SUV waiting just around the corner. 

This night did not go at all according to plan. I just hoped my actions didn’t fuck this up, in more ways than one.


	2. Something Close to Hope

Loki

“I told you it wouldn’t work, but no one ever listens to me, do they?” 

No one likes to hear that they were wrong, especially when they hear it from me. 

“I mean, she’s here now, away from that place, that’s what’s important, right?” Bucky thankfully had changed before joining us all in Medical, where our winged guest still slept.

“Precisely.” I grinned at him, thankful that at least one person saw this my way.

Steve motioned toward the exam table, “But did you have to knock her unconscious in the process? How are we ever going to convince her that we’re not going to hurt her, if we had to take her against her will.” 

I guess he did have a point. Not that I cared. Because I didn’t.

“I did what needed to be done. Your way was taking too long. Besides, I didn’t knock her out, I simply put her into a deep and dreamless sleep. There is a difference.” 

“Reindeer Games has a point, unfortunately. Plus his method was way cheaper. You owe me five big ones Buckaroo.” Tony smirked at him, everyone there knew what went on in that room. Bucky may not have been answering his coms, but he was coming through on our end, loud and clear. Emphasis on coming.

“Yeah, not gonna happen, you volunteered that money to get the club owners attention. I was just gonna pay the usual hundred, but no, you had to speak up and throw your money around like the flagrant peacock you are.” 

Tony laughed, though he knew what he was saying was the truth. We all knew. 

“Did anyone here even consider the fact that she may not like the fact you paid money for her in the first place?” Everyone turned and looked at Natasha who had finally joined the party.

“I’m just saying, if it were me, I’d find it very insulting.” She walked closer and looked the woman up and down, lingering on her long black wings.

“How long until she wakes up?” Banner adjusted his glasses and shifted awkwardly. “I think we should have some sort of game plan when she does, don’t you think?”

“Again, none of this would have been necessary if you had just let me approach her.” I hated repeating the obvious, especially to these fools. 

“I was the one who saw her first, it was my idea to try and get her away from that place.” 

Bucky stepped forward and gazed down at her. “I couldn’t stand to see her like that. Something that beautiful and elegant, doesn’t belong in a rundown strip club. She deserves so much more than that.” 

Everyone agreed of course, no one doubted that for a second. 

“Wait, I don’t remember you telling us how you came to see her in the first place?” Clint had remained pretty quiet, sitting back in a chair with two of its legs tilting off the floor.

Steve grinned and lightly punched Bucky’s shoulder. “Yeah Buck, tell us that story. I’m a little curious myself.”

Bucky looked at me nervously and I knew he’d be uncomfortable telling them the truth. 

“It was my idea.” Everyone’s eyes turned my way. 

“I was feeling a bit cooped up in this tower, needing to get out. I convinced James to come with me. He had no idea I was going to take him to a strip club. Thought it would be fun.” I could see the battle behind his eyes as he heard me lie for him. With a single look he remained quiet, allowing me to take the heat.

“Figures it would be your idea. What’s the matter Loki, looking to get some women to finally kneel for you?” The billionaire’s arrogant attitude has always grated on my nerves, today was no different.

“At least I wouldn’t have to be paying someone while they did it, unlike someone I know.” Those around us hissed at the sting of my words. Definitely a reference to him fucking his assistant Pepper.

“You Son of a Bitch!” He lunged at me and Tasha held him back.

“Tony! Stop! This isn’t the time for you two to have a ‘Who’s got the biggest dick’ contest.”

I smirked and crossed my arms over my chest, tilting my chin up in pride. “There would be no contest, I’d win.” 

Tasha looked down, eyeing my crotch. Her expression and shrug said she agreed.

“Hey! Who’s side are you on? Huh? I could absolutely win!”

Steve cringed, “We are not seriously having this conversation right now. You two can compare privates later. We have more important matters at hand. Can we concentrate on that?”

Everyone looked around and silently agreed, though my eyes squinted as I glared daggers at Tony. 

 

Angel

I groaned and stretched myself out, feeling stiff as if I’d slept for a week. My wings aches from being on my back too long. 

I froze as my fingers ghosted over the bed below me. The leather texture screaming out that this was not my own bed. Where the hell was I?

Shooting up to a sitting position, I was startled when a voice called out. “Easy, no one’s going to hurt you, I promise.”

It was Bucky, the same man who’s lap I came on. The other taller, black haired man behind him was the brick wall I ran into outside in the alley behind the club.

“Where am I?” I definitely didn’t recognize anything.

He tried to slowly approach me, like you would a wild animal. Well, I guess in this instance, it’s still an accurate analogy.

“You’re in the Avengers Tower.” 

What?! How the hell did I get here? “Avengers?! Why am I here? Are you an Avenger?” Oh God this is so not happening right now!

“Well, Yeah, we both are..this is Lo..”

“Shit! I gave a lap dance to an Avenger?! Am I being arrested or something? Is it a crime?” The dark haired man muffled a laugh behind his fist.

“If it were Steve, then maybe. It would be like corrupting a National Icon.” He laughed at his own joke until he realized he was the only one who thought it was funny.

Clearing his throat he continued, “Uh, anyway, no you’re not in trouble. As a matter of fact, we’re here to help you.”

Help me? Help me what? “What are you guys? Psychopath killers or something? I don’t want what you’re selling buddy. You can keep your damn koolaid, cuz I ain’t drinkin!” 

“No, please, listen, we want to help you get away from the club. You deserve so much better than that place.” 

I hopped off the bed and glared at the two men, “You don’t even know me! What do you even know about what I deserve?” 

My wings snapped open to their fullest size, stretching to an impressive length. “I’m a freak! That’s all I’ll ever be! You know how much I’m worth, you paid money for it!”

The tall drink of water laughed and shook his head, “Natasha was right.”

“It was just a way to get to talk to you, get you alone away from that bastard manager of yours.”

I stepped forward and glared at him, “So you paid for a lap dance?! You got what you wanted out of it. You got you rocks off, so what the hell do you want from me?!”

The man behind him suddenly lurched forward and grabbed my wrists, jerking me forward against his chest, locking my hands behind my back in an iron grip. 

I sensed his power and strength and knew that this man was not to be trifled with. His eyes were the same intense green as my own.

I tried to pull my hands away, “Who the hell do you think you are?!”

His eyes darkened as he towered over me. A shiver ran down my spine from the way his voice seemed to stimulate my senses. 

“I am Loki, Prince Of Asgard, God of Mischief, and you my Dear are nothing short of a Goddess! That foul place is beneath you, you deserve nothing less than a thrown.” 

I gasped and shook in his grasp, unable to fathom why the hell they would even waste their time on me.

“Loki! Stop! You’re scaring her!” He quickly released me and I stumbled back.

“Stay away from me! You’re both crazy! Please, just let me go home. I want to go home.” Tears slid down my cheeks as I trembled.

“Angel, please, stay here, let us help you. You don’t ever have to strip again. We could help you have a better life. One you could be proud of.” 

“Leave me alone Bucky! I’m not going to be your charity case. You probably only want to help me so I’ll fuck you. I told you before, I’m not a damn whore! I’m not!!” I screamed at him.

“I may be a God Damn Freak of nature and worthless piece of shit, but I’ll never, ever, do that! It’s the one part of me I have left. The one small dignity I allow myself to keep.” 

They both fell silent, unsure on what else to say. 

After several moments, Bucky sighed and finally spoke. “Alright, I’ll take you home.” 

I saw the defeat in his eyes, the same sadness I saw before when I was dancing. It clawed at my heart in a way that felt foreign, like the leather did below my fingers. 

Silently I followed him and accepted a pair of sweatpants to put on, since apparently I was still only in my outfit from the club. “Thank you.” He didn’t answer me, only led me down to the garage.

My heart sped up as he threw his legs over an impressive motorcycle. I couldn’t help but notice how amazing he looked on it.

He took my hand and helped me on, my arms sneaking around his middle to hold on tight. I could feel his muscles clenching under my fingers. It reminded me of the lap dance, when my fingertips slid down his chest and abs. I found myself biting my lip, remembering the way he moaned.

I loved riding on the bike, it reminded me of flying, which is the only time I ever feel halfway normal. So I spread my wings and let the wind rush over them. It was a small pleasure that I allowed myself to enjoy. Knowing it would soon be over and I’d never see Bucky again.

The thought of him walking away from me and never being able to see him again was almost painful. I couldn’t understand why? I don’t even know this man. 

He insisted on walking me to my place, following behind me as I climbed the stairs all the way to the roof. 

“This..this is where you live?!” His eyes wondered around the roof top and I felt ashamed.

“I know it’s not much, the landlord won’t let me stay in the building, so we compromised and he lets me stay up here.”

I motioned toward a building in the center of the roof. “That’s where I stay, it use to be a greenhouse I think, or maybe a pigeon coop, I’m not sure. But I fixed it up all by myself and it’s not so bad really.”

I turned and looked out toward the horizon. “I get to see the most incredible sunrises and sunsets. So it’s not too bad”

He grabbed my arm and jerked me around to face him.

“Hey! What the hell?!”

“There is no way on Earth I’m letting you stay here! This is no way for anyone to live. I can’t just leave, knowing that you’ll be sleeping in a damn bird house for fuck’s sake!” 

Anger flooded me like a tidal wave.

Wrenching my arm out of his grasp, I screamed and glared at him.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Huh? Where do you get off coming into my life and trying to tell me what I’m worth and what I’m going to do! Fuck you!”

I pushed his chest and he took a step back. “I don’t need you telling me what I’m worth! I know exactly what I’m worth...Nothing! Gary is the only person who knew what I was good for, being his God Damn Freak Show!”

I tried to control my emotions, so many of them came bubbling to the surface. I’ve been numb for so long that I couldn’t handle the onslaught of feelings trying to drown me.

“No you’re not! You’re so much more than that! When I saw you come out on stage, you took my breath away. You’re graceful and the most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes on.”

He tried to reach for me again with pleading eyes.

“No! No! You’re wrong!” I tried to walk away only for him to pull me back into the expanse of his arms.

“I’m right, and you know it.” I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes. 

“You don’t know me, or anything about me!” I jerked away and backed up to the edge of the building. 

“You don’t know, because you weren’t there as I struggled to survive on my own from the age of thirteen. You weren’t there as I was beaten and kicked into the gutter repeatedly. You didn’t see me cry out, night after night from hunger as I slowly starved. You don’t understand! You couldn’t!”

I watched his tears fall across his cheeks and slide through his thin beard. “You’re wrong, I do know, I do understand. I know what it’s like to be treated less than human, worthless and losing yourself to hopelessness. I know because I’ve been there. That’s how I knew I had to help you. I saw my own eyes staring back at me from that stage. The same dead eyes that looked at me from my mirror every morning for too many years.”

I took the chance and let my grasp on my control slip, falling away like burnt paper in the breeze.

I cried out as his thoughts and emotions flooded my mind in wave after wave of agony. I felt his pain and despair. His self loathing that made him want to die on a daily basis, just like me. I just wanted it all to end, to finally feel at peace.

Once the gates were opened, I couldn’t close it back. Bone crushing depression and worthlessness swallowed me whole like a ravenous beast. 

“Please! Make it stop!! Just make it stop!” I turned and climbed up onto the ledge and peered down at the fifteen story drop to the street below. A small voice in my head telling me how easy it would be, to just fall. Just fall and finally let the pain end. It was almost comforting to think of finally being at peace.

“No! God No! Angel, please step away from the ledge hunny, please, this isn’t the answer. Let me help you. We can get through this together.” 

I could barely see through my tears and didn’t realize how close I was to the edge. My foot slipped. I screamed and tumbled over the side.

Bucky cried out and lunged after me, leaping without thought to his own safety. He wrapped his flesh arm around my waist and reached out with the other, screaming out in pain as he caught the edge of the railing on the fire escape, stopping us both from falling to our deaths. 

I clung to him like a scared child, not knowing until that very moment as I fell, that I in fact didn’t want to die. He saved my life. 

Pulling us both up onto the fire escape landing, he held me tight, stroking my hair and wings as I sobbed uncontrollably. 

When I finally found the strength to pull slightly away and look him in the eyes, I nearly choked on a sob as I saw him crying right along with me.

He cupped my cheeks and wiped tears away with his thumbs. “Don’t you ever do that to me again. I thought I’d lost you.”

I shivered as he slowly leaned forward and gently kissed my lips. I could taste the saltiness of his own tears. Tears for me. No one had ever cried for me before.

“Let me take you home Doll, let us help you, please. I can’t leave you. I just..can’t.”

I could feel his sincerity since my control on my abilities weren’t one hundred percent intact. “Ok.”

He pulled back and a tentative smile pulled at his lips. “Wait, really? You’ll come back with me?”

I cupped his cheek and watched as he leaned into my hand. The first person who hadn’t flinched away or been repulsed by my touch. At least outside of private dance rooms that is.

“Yeah, really. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll see inside myself the woman you think I am.”

He grinned wide and hugged me tightly to his chest. “You won’t regret this, I promise! You’ll see, this will be the start of something great.”

As I followed him back down to his motorcycle, my hand in his, I felt something strange come over me. I couldn’t quite place it, it’s not something I’ve felt before so I didn’t recognize the feeling. But if I had to guess, it felt like something close to..hope.


	3. Want

(Flash back to before Bucky found Angel in the strip club-we find out why Loki took the blame for Bucky being at the strip club in the first place.)

Loki

Normally these parties of Stark’s aren’t so boring, but this one seemed to be an exception. I’d already made my rounds and found no one worthy of my time to spend even a few moments of conversation with, let alone someone to accompany me to my chambers for the night.

The tuxedo Thor made me wear was being to chafe around my neck and make me feel slightly claustrophobic. Every few minutes I’d find myself tugging at the collar to loosen it up.

“Quit fidgeting Brother, you look dashing in your suit.” Thor just grinned and winked at a woman passing by. “Not nearly as good as I do, of course”

“Of course.”

“You should mingle more, make new friends. Steve tells me you mainly keep to yourself. Is no one here worth your time?” I glanced at him and wondered if he can read my thoughts at times.

“I see no point in it. I told you bringing me to Earth wouldn’t be a good idea. The atmosphere here can be..stifling at times.”

Thor nodded as if to consider my words. “Maybe it’s stifling because you act like a spoiled Diva who had their spotlight removed.” 

My eyes widened at him, “Spoiled Diva? Hardly. It’s more like it’s difficult to find someone to connect with that doesn’t already have a preconceived idea of who and what you are.”

We were silent for a few moments as we stood side by side, watching the humans converse with each other. Some were dancing, while quite a few we’re taking advantage of the open bar. 

While scanning the crowd, my eyes landed on Bucky. Bah! That name! It’s why I call him James. It suits him more. 

He was avoiding talking to people as well, skirting through the crowds and making a beeline straight for the bar. 

He too wore a similar tuxedo, his longer hair pulled back into a bun at the nape of his neck. Such a shame, he looks so much better with it down. 

My eyes lingered on him as he ordered his drink. Out of all the fools here, he is the only one who has treated me with respect. Perhaps it’s his own tainted past that allows him to accept that I’m not the same man I use to be. 

I couldn’t help but grin a little as a very voluptuous woman wearing a skin tight blue dress, ordered a drink beside him. Even at this distance, my ears picked up on how the woman was trying to flirt with him. 

He smiled warmly at her and gave a sad smile, apologizing that he just wanted to drink alone tonight. She walked away rolling her eyes, then made a beeline straight for Captain Rogers. 

He watched the woman walk away, only to freeze as his eyes met mine. He smiled and nodded, tipping his glass to me in a silent hello. I couldn’t hide the smile that I returned. 

“Brother?” 

I snapped out of my intense concentration of the former Winter Soldier and focused back on my brother who apparently had started talking again while I wasn’t paying attention.

“What is it Thor?” I could hear the annoyance in my own voice.

“What are you staring at?” He looked out across the room and saw James returning to his drink. “Ah, I see.”

“What could you possibly see? You have one eye.”

He laughed warmly despite the joke, “I see more than you think Loki. I didn’t realize you liked Barnes. I could put a good word in for you if you’d like.”

I rolled my eyes and scooped a Martini off a tray that was passing in front of us. “Don’t you dare. Besides who said I liked him? I certainly didn’t.”

“You didn’t have to, I recognized that look you were giving him. There were quite a few maidens who were on the receiving end of those looks many years ago.” He was smiling wistfully, remembering a past that seems as if it were a lifetime ago.

“Though I have to admit, I mean I had my suspicions, but I didn’t realize you were fond of men as well as wome..”

“I would kindly appreciate it if you’d keep your suspicions to yourself Brother.” Not that I cared if anyone knew I liked both women and men.

“Didn’t realize it was such a sensitive subject. I’ll remind myself to talk about it more often.” He nudged me with his elbow, making me slosh my Martini onto the front of my shirt.

“Ahh! You oaf! Now look what you’ve done.” Grabbing napkins off a nearby table, I tried to wipe the drink off the best I could. 

“My apologies, I guess this gives you an excuse to leave then, doesn’t it?”

I stopped mid swipe of the napkin and looked up at him, his one good eye winked at me. He did it on purpose so I could leave, knowing I was uncomfortable.

It still amazes me after all these years and what we’ve been through, that he would still be looking out for me. 

“I suppose it does.” We shared a look that spoke volumes, that is until Ms. Romanov approached us.

“Good evening Thor.” She paused and looked my way, her smile not quite so genuine. “Loki.”

Thor greeted her just as warmly, giving his best killer smile. “Natasha, you look lovely as always.”

She ran her hands down her dress that accentuated her curves in very delicious ways. “Oh this old thing, it’s been sitting in my closet forever.” 

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as the two flirted with each other. For fuck’s sake, just go find a dark corner somewhere already. Being single again has made Thor quite the obvious flirt. It reminded me of our youth. 

“If you two will excuse me, I think I need to change.” 

With one last nod toward Thor I proceeded to make my way across the room. Which just so happens to bring me right in front of James. How convenient.

He set his glass down and looked down the front of my tuxedo, seeing the obvious spill. “What happened? You piss off Tasha again?”

I groaned and pulled on the wet fabric, “Not quite. My brother, was nice enough to give me an exit from this evenings festivities. Though I didn’t expect it to be soooo..wet and sticky. A change is definitely in order.”

He frowned, then downed the remainder of his drink. “You better put some seltzer water on that if you don’t want it to ruin the suit.”

“Seltzer what?” 

He smiled and set the tumbler glass down, pushing it toward the Bartender. “Water, Seltzer water.. you know what, never mind, come with me, I’ll get you some.”

He slid off the bar stool and motioned for me to follow him. I turned toward Thor who was looking right at me with a huge shit-eating grin on his face, giving me a thumbs up. “Well I’ll be damned.”

“What did you say?”

I quickly turned back toward James and shook off the comment, “Nothing, please, lead the way.”

I may not like it, but I might need to thank Thor later for this.

Following behind James, I took the opportunity once we were out of the ballroom to fully appreciate his physique in his suit. The curve of his ass in the pants were beginning to make my mouth water.

“Not sure if Tony keeps any of the stuff stocked around here, but I do have some in my room. Mind if we go there?”

Oh I’m definitely thanking Thor later. 

“I have no objections.”

This evening just became quite interesting to say the least. And here I thought I wouldn’t be taking anyone home this evening. Turns out, I was the one being taken home. 

We stood side by side in the elevator as we made it to his floor. I had the urge to slam the handsome Sargent against the wall and show him what it’s like to bed a God. But then again I had no idea if he reciprocated the same feelings. 

Did he even like men? I haven’t seen him with either a man or a woman while being here. Though Rogers does like to tell stories of James’ youth and his proclivity toward those of the feminine persuasion. Perhaps my hopes were all for nothing.

At least I was away from that dreary party. I have to count that as a win tonight, if nothing else happens.

We entered his chambers and I paused in the doorway as he began to take off his tuxedo jacket. His muscles of his chest and biceps were pressing against the white fabric of his shirt, making them more prominent and definitely causing a situation in my slacks.

“Don’t just stand there, come on in, I don’t bite.”

“Pity.” 

I had said it under by breath but he still paused momentarily as he was setting his jacket onto the back of a chair. He made no mention of actually hearing me, but my suspicions said yes, yes he did.

He left the room, his voice carrying down the hall. “Make yourself at home, I’ll just be a minute.”

I took a moment to look around the living room area, before taking my own jacket off and placing it over the arm of his couch. With a devious grin, I pulled my dress shirt from my slacks and unbuttoned the wet material.

Once the vest and shirt lay open and my bow tie undone and hanging loose, my chest was conveniently exposed, I stretched out onto his couch, propping myself up slightly on the arm. 

It was at that moment he came walking back into the room with a cloth and a bottle of what I can only assume was the seltzer water for my stain.

“I got the seltz...Uh...what are you doing?”

His eyes went wide as he looked down at my exposed chest. I couldn’t hide my grin as I saw the definite appreciation in his blue eyes. I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. 

“You did say make myself at home, did you not?”

His eyes had yet to return to my own, the water and cloth dangling precariously from his fingertips by his side. 

I slowly stood up, his eyes watching me like a scared prey. Yet he didn’t move. This was promising. 

Moving closer to him, I reached down and retrieved the items from his hands and placed them gently upon the small table next to the couch. 

“You heard Thor, didn’t you James?”

His eyes which had still been stuck looking down at my neck and chest, suddenly shot up to look me finally in the eyes. The pupils were blown wide, his breathing had increased and I could hear his heart pounding like a frightened deer.

“What?”

“I know your hearing is quite exceptional due to your enhancements, not unlike my own. Do not play coy with me. I know you heard what Thor and I were speaking about.” He swallowed again, his cheeks turning a delicious shade of pink.

“I, Uh, didn’t mean to..I mean, it’s hard to drown out that many voices in a crowd. It’s not like I’ll tell anyone or anything, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

Hmm, I think a more direct approach is needed with this one. “Do you like men James? If you do, there is nothing wrong with that. Humans have been known to have such small mindedness when it comes to sexuality. Sex is sex, it doesn’t always have to be about procreation.”

He let out a heated breath as if he had been holding it. “I..” It was in that moment that I realized something about the man standing in front of me. 

“You’ve never been with a man before, have you?”

He shook his head, “No.” His voice sounded strained.

I lifted my lips in a grin before stepping even closer, “Would you like to?”

He suddenly lurched forward, pulling me close by my waist as he growled out, “Yes!” Then his lips crashed into mine.

His actions spoke of desperation and deep seeded want. How long has he been without the affections of anyone, besides that of his comrades?

His hands roamed my chest and sides, sliding to my back as he pressed me closer. I relished every single touch, the sweet taste of the liquor on his tongue, the feel of his pounding heart against my chest.

My cock was already straining against the zipper of my pants, screaming to be released. I grabbed a fist full of his hair, pulling his mouth from mine. He made a whine of protest, only to moan loudly as I rolled my hips against his. He was just as wonderfully hard.

With a deep growl I effortlessly spun him around and forced him onto the couch, laying him back in the same position he found me in moments before. 

Fitting myself between his gloriously thick thighs, I rolled my lower body against his, watching with mesmerizing eyes as he arched his back and gasped out some form of my name.

Taking his mouth in another heated kiss, my left hand went to work on the clasps to his slacks. His groan and roll of his hips said he definitely agreed with my course of action.

Releasing his lips, I trailed them down his clean shaven jaw and onto his neck. He tilted his head as far as he could get it, allowing me access. Thankfully when he came to his chambers, he had apparently taken his bow tie off and unbuttoned some of his shirt. It gave me more skin to explore.

Crawling down his body, I propped myself up onto my knees, looking down at him sprawled out below me. He was “Magnificent.” His lips curled into a smile.

My hands finished the job of undoing his pants, tugging roughly on the material to lower them down his hips. I looked hungrily into his eyes as I discovered he wasn’t wearing any undergarments. “My, my James, were we expecting this tonight?”

He licked his lips as I held him in my hand. “Not expecting..hoping.” 

He made a choking sound, metal hand flying into my long black hair as I quickly took him into my mouth. 

He gripped me hard and I groaned around his cock. He suddenly released me, “S..Sorry...” 

Reaching out, I grabbed his hand and returned it to my hair as I pulled up off of him. “You can’t hurt me James, I’m a God, remember?”

I stroked him as I spoke, precum starting to leak out of his tip. 

“You’re not..fuck, you’re not a God.”

Rubbing my thumb across his weeping slit, I grinned wickedly. “Let’s just see what name you cry out when you cum in my mouth and around my cock, shall we?”

“Oh God!”

I couldn’t hold back the devilish laugh before taking him back into my mouth.

I loved how his hips were thrusting up uncontrollably, seeking out my mouth with every upwards pull. I palmed my own hard cock through my pants, trying to relieve some of the ache I felt. I craved to be buried deep inside him more than anything.

His breath was coming in pants and moans, his grip going even tighter in my hair. I could tell he was close. 

Pulling off his cock once again, I met his eyes as he watched me. “Cum in my mouth James, I want to taste how delectable you truly are.”

He threw his head back as I swallowed him down, “Fuck! Oh Fuck!”

I slipped my right hand down and using my own saliva that had ran down his tightly drawn up balls, I circled his tight hole, gently pressing forward until I breached his opening.

“Oh God! Oh fucking God!!” He came instantly. His grip went to painful levels, but I could hardly care. 

I watched his heavenly body arch up off the couch as I swallowed down everything he had to give me. It’s been a long time since I’ve tasted a man’s cum. I forgot how much I loved it.

His body went from arched and taut to suddenly limp and practically melting into the cushions.

I crawled up his body and leaned over him with a self gratifying smirk. He opened his eyes and laughed at my expression. 

“Shut up, you’re still not a God.”

“Mmm I take that as a challenge.” His eyes darkened all over again. Grabbing a hold of the back of my neck with his flesh hand, he pulled me close to where our lips were barely grazing the other.

“Prove me wrong.” 

Desire flooded my senses. I growled as I took his lips in a dizzying kiss. I do so love being right.

Pulling back when I needed more, I gripped the sides of his tuxedo vest and shirt, ripping it from his body as if it were tissue paper. He gasped in shock, “Jesus Loki!”

“Wrong deity I’m afraid, perhaps I need to work a little harder to remind you of who I am.”

Leaning over him, I winked before using my magic, moving us into his bedroom, standing at the foot of his bed.

“Whoa!”

“Like that did you? Well sweetheart, there’s so much more where that came from.” 

Snapping my fingers, James stood completely naked. “Now this is so much better.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Care to return the favor?”

Licking his lips nervously, he reached out with shaking hands. Just before he was able to put a finger on my exposed chest, I grabbed his hands gently in mine. 

“It’s just me. Nothing will happen that you don’t want, you have my word.” I felt the need to reassure him. He was a Virgin, technically, and I wanted this to be good for him.

He nodded in understanding so I placed his palms flat against my chest. “Very well then, I’m all yours.

Sliding his hands upward, he pushed my shirt and vest off my shoulders, taking his time to explore every dip and curve of my muscles. Not nearly as prominent as his were, but I knew he definitely appreciated the sight. He was hard again. How wonderful!

I drank the sight of him in as he undressed me. He made a point to stroke every inch of exposed skin. At this point I was painfully hard, needing release desperately. But I do so love this slow burn of seduction he was currently doing to me.

I inhaled deeply, biting my bottom lip as he leaned forward and grazed his lips across my chest. His tongue slipped out of his mouth and teased a sensitive nipple. 

Slowly he made his decent, knees finally touching the floor. My skin was tingling with anticipation, knowing I would soon feel his mouth around me, just as I did for him.

He looked up at me as he began to pull my dress pants down past my hips. 

“Oh Fuck!” I couldn’t hide my slight chuckle as he took in the size of my cock. 

“Impressed?”

He swallowed thickly, “Yeah, and possibly a bit intimidated.”

Reaching out, I ran my right hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face, tucking it behind his ear. “I won’t hurt you James.”

He seemed to consider this for a moment before taking a tentative lick up the underside of my cock. 

I hissed and leaned my head back, feeling my cock twitch against his warm tongue. 

“That’s it, do it just how you like it.” I felt the need to direct him through this since he is obviously very nervous about being with a man for the first time. Any first time can be daunting. I know my first time was.

I moaned out his name as he started to bob his head on my cock, sucking me down oh so perfectly. Just like he had done to me, after releasing the tie from his hair, I cupped his head with both hands and guided him along my length. 

“Look at you, so beautiful.” Even I was taken aback by my own words. I couldn’t spend any amount of time regretting it when his response was to increase his suction and grip my ass with both of his hands.

He pulled off my cock, “Are you close?” He continued to stroke me. 

“Yes, I’m so close, do you want to stop?” I silently hoped he didn’t.

“Cum in my mouth too, I want to know what it’s like.” Now how can I say no to that, not that I would.

“Do you want me to fuck your mouth? Slide my cock down your throat as I cum?” My hand shook slightly as I stroked his cheek. True evidence of how close to cuming I really was.

“Please.”

I growled and gripped his hair tight with both hands, thrusting past his lips. “Fuck, yes!”

I lost my mind after that, my orgasm slamming hard into me. I came down his throat like he wanted and he took it all. Tears slid down his cheeks from slightly choking on the size of my cock and the amount of my ejaculate.

My legs felt slightly weak after coming back down to reality. Slumping down and sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“That was amazing.” I could see he enjoyed being praised, knowing he did such a good job. 

“Now, as much as I love sucking cock, or having your mouth wrapped around mine, I need to be inside you soon James.”

Pulling him up off the floor, I saw his anxiety returning. 

“Remember what I said, I will not hurt you. Understand?”

He reached out and grabbed my still hard cock, “I know, and I want you inside me too Loki. Please, I need you.” 

A warmth unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, spread throughout my chest at his words. He said he needed me. I don’t think anyone has ever said those words to me before. 

“Then you shall have me, Love.” 

I pulled him gently to my chest, kissing him tenderly as he continued to slowly stroke me. 

I turned us around and walked him to the bed, crawling up his body as he laid down. We were both now fully naked and oh how wonderful it felt to have him against me. So warm and inviting that I felt as if I’d never want to leave his arms. 

We kissed, our hunger growing by the second as we rolled our hips together, our naked cocks sliding against each other. I could feel his leaking onto me, easing the glide.

Pulling back slightly, I reached down and palmed his left thigh, pushing it farther out to accommodate me fully. I could feel him tense up.

“Do you trust me?”

He reached up and cupped my cheek, sliding his fingers through my hair. I swear I almost purred from his touch. “I trust you. Now make good on your word and fuck me already.”

I grinned wickedly, “As you wish.”

I slid my fingers down to his opening and slowly pushed a finger inside him. His eyes widened when he felt a strange warmth and a green glow came from between us. 

“What the fuck?!”

I leaned down and kissed his chest, trailing my lips to his neck. “It’s just a little magic Love, this way you don’t have to use any lubricant. It prevents any pain and loosens you up to take me fully.”

“Oh, ok then.”

I sucked on an especially sensitive spot on his neck and he moaned my name. “God, Loki, don’t stop, please.”

I was about to ask him what part, my sucking on his pulse point or the fact I now had three fingers knuckle deep inside his ass. I have a feeling it would be both. I loved how responsive he was to my every touch. 

Pulling my fingers free, he growled at me. “I said don’t fucking stop!”

Leaning up, I caught his frustrated expression. “Do you want me to fuck you or not? Unless you want my cock and my fingers in your ass at once. Not something I’ve done before, but for you, I’ll do anything you ask of me.”

“No, Uh, it’s ok, just your dick, I think that’s all I could take right now.”

I bent down and pressed my lips to his ear as I lined my cock up against his ass. “You’d be amazed what I could get you to take.”

He trembled under me as I slowly started to slide inside. My senses were tuned in to his every sound. I may be a selfish bastard most of the time, but for him, I felt a deep need to make this as pleasurable as possible. 

“Oh fuck! Oh my God!” I couldn’t hide my small laugh at his cries of pleasure.

He was so tight and warm, strangling my cock in a vice-like grip that made me see stars. “You feel amazing.” My control was starting to waver as I pushed farther in.

“You feel...this feels...OH! Oh God, right there!! Fuck!” I pressed against his prostate as I bottomed out. His cries of pleasure nearly making me want to fuck him senseless and say screw the whole gentle idea.

Pulling slowly back to where only the tip remained, I slid back in just slightly faster. Again when I grazed that wonderful spot, he practically convulsed below me. 

After a few more minutes of this slow in and out, my body was shining with sweat. I was trying my best to hold back my orgasm, and pun totally intended-I found it hard to say the least.

With one harder thrust forward, I cried out and buried my face into the crook of his neck, willing my orgasm away. I was trembling and didn’t know how much more I could hold out.

“Loki, I may not be a God, but I’m not made of glass either. Please, fuck me!”

He rolled his hips and ground down onto my cock. I growled and took his mouth is a kiss, swallowing his moans as I truly began to fuck him like he and I both wanted.

I pounded his ass mercilessly, slamming against his prostate with every thrust. He clawed at my back, wrapping his legs around my waist, screaming out my name over and over.

My vision blacked out momentarily as I came. I thanked the Gods that I felt him spasm around me at the same time, his own orgasm wrenching loud guttural screams from his throat. 

Once we both calmed down, I pulled free of his ass and grinned as he sighed from the loss. 

Normally I’m not one for cuddling after sex. I just never felt the need before. Sex was just an itch that needed to be scratched. Why stay around afterwards. But for some reason, I laid down beside him and pulled him close to my chest.

I stoked along his spine as he drifted in and out of sleep. I found myself drawn to him in a way I’ve never felt before. What was even more strange was I didn’t want to let him go. This both alarmed me and confused me all at once.

Looking down at his sleeping form, I found myself smiling despite my confusion. He really was quite something. I may just have to stick with this one for a while. See what happens. Who knows, maybe this is true proof that I have grown as a person.

(The Next Day)

The Avengers were all assembled around the conference table going over the latest intel on an upcoming mission in a few days. 

The meeting was long and drawn out, more than one of us were yawning from the late night partying and drinking. 

James was sitting across the table from me, our eyes would meet occasionally and I had to repress the urge to teleport us back to his room. It’s only been a few hours since we last had sex and I craved him all over again.

From the dark look in his eyes, he too felt the same. 

The problem was that we didn’t seem to be able to get a moment alone together all morning, not since we both parted ways before dawn. It was the first time I had spent the whole night with a lover. 

Once the meeting was over, I thought perhaps we would get a chance, only to suppress a curse under my breath when Captain Rogers insisted on team building exercises in the gym for the rest of the afternoon.

Thor and I had just finished sparing and I was about to head to the locker room to change. Bucky caught my eye and motioned for me to follow him. Call me intrigued.

I followed the sound of his beating heart to the farthest lockers from the entrance. It was secluded and slightly darkened due to lack of proper lighting. 

When I turned the corner expecting to find him, I saw nothing. Did I miss him? Where did he...”Oh!”

He came out of nowhere and pushed me against the lockers, kissing me with such passion that all I could do was cling to him and moan. 

Ripping his mouth from mine he shushed me, “Shh..there are too many people here. Dammit, I want you so bad. Look, I have an idea, and you don’t have to say yes, but I hope you do.”

Color me intrigued. “And what might that be?”

“There’s a bar on West twentieth street. It’s dark and secluded, people there know how to keep their mouths shut, if you know what I mean. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, I want to take you out. You know, for dinner and drinks. What do you say?”

I could tell how nervous he was, and call me crazy, but I really wanted this...”Is this a date Sargent?”

He blushed and gripped my hips, stroking his thumbs above my gym shorts, underneath my T-shirt. “I mean it doesn’t have to be called that if you want. But, yeah, I’m kinda asking you out. Is that too weird or too soon? I mean I know we’ve had sex..and it’s really really good sex, but I’m not sure where you want this to go from here.”

Spinning us around, I pinned him against the locker and kissed him just as hard as he did me, palming his hardening cock through his own shorts. 

Once I pulled back, we were both panting and extremely turned on. “Just tell me when and where James. I’ll be there.”

Stepping back away from him once we heard people approaching, he grinned wide, his eyes sparklingly with excitement. “The bar I suggested, seven o’clock?”

Walking away, I looked back over my shoulder with a wink. “It’s a date.”

Later that evening I found myself walking down the street James told me about. Once I saw the bar, I quickened my steps, eager to see him. 

I was suddenly grabbed and jerked into an alley, my back slamming against the brick wall. 

I was about to introduce whoever it was to an ungodly amount of pain, only to moan into a very familiar mouth. 

James.

He ripped his mouth from mine and began to stroke me through my pants. “I want you...now!”

A sudden noise in the alley had us both hiding behind a stack of crates.

“Where are you going? You can’t leave until you’ve finished your final dance of the evening. Since that hasn’t happened, you need to get your Freak ass back to work!”

We both frowned as we heard the raspy voice of a very hateful sounding man. 

“Please Gary, I’m tired, I just need a break ok.” 

James peeked around the crates and I saw his whole body go taut. “Holy shit!”

I pulled him back, “What? What is it?”

“The woman...she, she has wings! Honest to God huge black wings! They gotta be fake, right?”

I looked around the crates for myself and sure enough, there stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Yet she radiates sadness in waves.

“Looks real to me.”

He grabbed my hand and tugged me back down the alley away from them both. “Come on, there’s only one way to find out.”

Standing in front of the building I cocked my head to the side a bit, “The Pony? What kind of place is this?”

James sighed heavily and ushered me forward. “It’s a strip club. People pay money to watch women take off their clothes and dance.”

“Really? How intriguing. This I must see.”

It wasn’t long after we sat in a booth near the back that the woman in question was introduced. “Freak Show? Hardly. She’s perfection!”

James definitely agreed. When she started to dance, I found myself watching his reaction to her. He looked upset. “James, are you ok?”

He reached out and took my hand in his. “We have to help her Loki. She doesn’t belong here. Can’t you see it? Can’t you see her eyes? She’s slowly dying here. We have to tell the others.”

Watching her finish her dance, I too saw what James did. I recognized that hollow stare and lack of emotions. 

I’ve been there myself. When I had lost myself and lay locked away on Asgard, my torture from The Other on repeat in my mind. All the while no one even caring to find out how I was controlled to do what I did in New York all those years ago. Not that anyone would have ever believed me anyway.

With one final look, we both left and headed straight to the Tower. 

Just before we reached the entrance, he pulled me aside. “I’m sorry about tonight. I really was looking forward to our date. I hope this doesn’t change anything between us.”

“You mean the fact that you had us bail on our date because you suddenly found a winged Goddess in need of rescuing?”

He sighed heavily, “Yeah, that.”

I couldn’t deny that I was disappointed, and a bit jealous if I’m being honest. But I couldn’t let him see that it bothered me. I never intended to feel anything for him, it was all suppose to be just sex.

I saw how he looked at the woman while she danced. He was attracted to her. Maybe I did read it all wrong, who am I to stand in his way if he truly wants this woman. 

“It’s fine James. I’m not a fool to believe this between us was going anywhere.” 

“Loki, wait..”

I walked away from him and into the Tower, unable to be beside him another moment. I refused to admit to him I’m jealous. If he wants this woman then I’ll be happy to step aside and let him have her.


	4. Feelings

Loki

“How many times do I have to tell you something Thor? There’s nothing wrong. I am perfectly happy and content.” 

He narrowed his one eye at me, “Your words say one thing, but your actions say another. You’ve been very withdrawn these last couple of days. More than usual that is. Besides, when have you ever been happy and content?” 

Well, he’s not wrong. 

I hated in some ways that since our home world was destroyed, Thor has a tendency to pay extra attention to me. It’s almost as if he’s trying to compensate for all the years we were apart. Sweet and endearing, but very annoying.

“What happened between you and Bucky? I saw you two leave together the night of Stark’s festivities. When neither of you returned, I assumed..” He grinned a bit, obviously hinting about something physical.

“Nothing happened.” I was beyond wanting to get out of this conversation. 

Thor had accosted me about James the moment he got back into the Tower today. Apparently it’s alarming to everyone when I refuse to come out of my room for a few days.

What was I suppose to do, just sit around and watch him fawn all over Angel? It’s my own fault for feeling something more for James than just sex. 

There was something there I thought, a mutual attraction, well, obviously there is an attraction since we had sex multiple times. But I thought we had connected on a more personal level. 

That’s what I get for hoping. Why did I think this would be any different than any other time in my life. Even maidens in my youth use to pretend to like me, just so they could get closer to Thor. 

“Loki?” 

I turned away from the window and looked at him, “What?”

“You know you can talk to me, if you need to. I know we’ve had our differences..ok quite a few differences, but I’d hoped that we’d grown past all that.”

I swear, sometimes it’s like looking at a kicked puppy when he gives me that look. 

“I appreciate your concern Brother, but I have nothing that I’d care to tell you.”

He seemed to accept my answer and went to leave my chambers. Just before reaching the door, he turned and glanced back at me. “In case you were wondering, it was Bucky that asked me to come see you.”

My eyes widened at his words, why would he ask Thor to...

“He seemed really worried about you.”

I scoffed at the supposed concern, “Yes, so concerned that he couldn’t come check on me himself.”

I realized after the fact, how much resentment I put into those words. 

Thor thought this over for a moment, “Maybe he will.”

Turning my back to him toward my window overlooking the New York skyline, I sighed heavily. “Trust me Brother...he won’t.”

Without another word, he turned and left my chambers.

I growled out in frustration. Hating the fact that I let some mortal affect me so greatly. How many times can life show me that I’ll never be good enough, before I finally understand?

I was still standing in the same spot when another knock came at my chambers door.

Seriously, can Thor not get the hint?!

“Go away Thor! I told you I don’t want to talk!”

“What about to me? Will you talk to me?”

I froze. A wave of anxiety hit me as I recognized his voice. James.

I schooled my features and turned toward him. “James, what brings you here? Bored of your new pet already?” Even I cringed inwardly at the bitterness in my tone.

“She’s not a pet, and you know why I’m here.”

Did I? I wasn’t so sure of anything anymore.

“Oh please, enlighten me. I do so love fairytales.”

I turned away from him, unable to look at him a moment more. All it did was remind me yet again that I’ll never be enough.

“Loki, don’t be like this. I know I’ve hurt you..”

Anger boiled up inside me, it felt better than the deep sadness that had been plaguing me for three days.

“Hurt me? Hurt me?! Hurt would indicate that I actually cared, which I do not!”

He took a step closer and I found myself backing away from him as he did so. 

“You do care, otherwise you wouldn’t be so upset. I’m sorry, ok. I’m sorry that I bailed on our date. I’m sorry that I’ve been so wrapped up in making sure Angel was comfortable and settling in here. She needs our help and I don’t want to do this without you.”

I scoffed at his words. “You didn’t need my help when she made you cum in your pants at the club. Not even two days after we last made lo...You know what, nevermind, I need some air.”

I tried to storm out past him to do just that, get some air. My lungs felt as if they were burning. My heart was pounding an erratic beat when I realized I had almost called what we did as making love. What do I know about love..nothing! And I never will!

His metal arm shot out and grabbed my bicep, stopping me from leaving. 

“Loki, I’m so sorry, please, forgive me! I didn’t mean for it to happen. But I can’t deny that I’m attracted to her either, and I know that’s not fair to you.”

I wanted to scream and yell at the top of my lungs for him to take his apologies and go straight to Hell, but the sorrow in his eyes stopped me dead in my tracks.

“But I also can’t deny anymore that what we shared was special. It wasn’t just a one night thing for me. I’ve been attracted to you since I first met you. I was terrified of how I felt, not knowing if you could ever feel for me, what I feel for you.”

He released my arm and ran his hands through his hair. I found myself frozen to that spot, unable to move as I listened to him.

“You get it! You understand me more than anyone else, including Steve. The torture, the regret and shame. The feeling of being ripped out of your own body and watch yourself commit such horrible atrocities!”

I swallowed hard around a lump in my throat, unable to tear my eyes away from him, not even for a second.

“That night at the party, when I heard Thor suggest that you liked me...My heart nearly exploded in my chest. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.”

My eyes widened at his admission, surely this has to be a dream.

“Then when you came to my room, I was so scared out of my mind. But you were so gentle and kind, making sure I was comfortable in everything we did. You made me feel normal, for the first time in my life, I felt like I was able to be who I was meant to be.”

I could feel the emotions burning my lungs and screaming to be released, yet I still just stood there like an absolute fool. 

“Being with you set something loose inside me. Something that’s been buried and repressed since I hit puberty for God’s sake! With you, I’m able to be myself and feel more like myself than with anyone in my entire life. Even my best friend.”

He took a step closer to me, placing his flesh hand over my heart. I knew he could feel it racing.

“I’m so sorry that I fucked this up. I’ve been beating myself up over this for the past three days. I completely understand if you never forgive me. But I wanted, no, needed you to know this, before you walk out that door and away from me...I’ve fallen in love with yo..”

I lurched forward and pulled him to my chest, kissing the words right out of his mouth. 

He clung to me and groaned deep in his chest. I was so overwhelmed with the need to kiss him, touch him, that nothing else seemed to matter. 

He was in love with me!

Me.

Never, not once in my 1500+ years, has anyone told me they loved me, besides my mother of course. My father, the few moments before his death told me, but I still doubt his sincerity.

With enough force to knock the wind right out of my lungs, he pushed me against the nearest wall. Hands in my hair held me to him as he devoured my mouth and swallowed my moans.

He raked both hands down my chest, nails causing my skin to pebble beneath his touch. With a iron grip he grabbed both of my hips, pressing against me, making a needy whine leave my throat.

Without warning, he spun me around and pressed my front against the wall. He was breathing heavily, his own erratic heart beat echoing in my ears. 

I moaned shamelessly as he reached around me and unfastened the button and zipper to my pants, swiftly pulling them down my legs, leaving me bare. My already straining cock bounced against the wall.

Reversing course, he pushed his hands under my shirt and pushed it up and off me. 

His hot breath fanned my neck and back as he ground into my ass and began to stroke my cock. “I need you.” 

My forehead pressed against the wall, eyes closing as I soaked in those three words. 

I gasped when he reached down and began to swirl a thick metal finger around my tight ring. “Please Loki, let me love you.” He breached me with one finger.

A sound of pure longing left my throat, needing this, needing him more than anything. Reaching my own hand down, I used my magic and prepared myself for him. 

He kissed between my shoulder blades and hissed as he replaced his finger with his cock, pushing inside me, bottoming out in one thrust. We stayed still for a few hectic breaths, relishing the closeness and intimacy.

His metal arm wound around my chest, hand closing around my throat. Not enough to restrict air, but enough to heighten my arousal. His other hand gripped my hip and started a punishing pace, fucking me senseless, right there in my foyer.

This was the first time James had been inside me. Our last night together, it was I who entered him. He had been too hesitant to try and take me. For some reason, it made this all that much more special.

Placing my palms against the wall, I used it as leverage to thrust back against him. I loved how rough he was being, slamming hard inside me like a man possessed. 

“James.” I reached a hand back and gripped his hip, pulling him harder against me. My climax was quickly approaching and I needed him to cum with me. 

His grip tightened on my throat, making me gasp and claw at not just his flesh, but the wall in front of me. “Cum for me Loki, please, God, I can’t hold out much lo..longer..” I could feel him shaking against me.

The hand holding my hip, reached down and grabbed ahold of my cock. With a single touch I was sent soaring. “Ahh!! JAMES!!” 

Long ropes of my cum erupted from my cock and coated my lover’s hand and wall. A mere moment after I began to cum, James followed, crying out my name mixed with loud moans and grunts as he emptied inside me. 

I slumped against the wall, panting, emotionally rung out to my very core. He gently kissed my neck and shoulder, relaxing his grip on my throat to place it against my chest. 

There was silence and I wondered who would break it first. I was unsure of what to even say to him.

“Who’s the God now?” 

I could hear the amusement in his tone, which only made me smile and wrap my hand around his over my heart.

“Who’s the one being cocky now?”

He laughed and pressed his forehead into my upper back. “Oh it’s definitely me.”

We both laughed until he pulled free of my body and turned me around to face him.

Caressing my cheek with his metal hand, my own snaking around his waist, he pulled me gently toward him and kissed me. Once pulling away, he gave me a crooked smile.

“Are we ok? I know how badly I fucked up, and I know making love to you against the wall isn’t a cure all, but I’m hoping this means you at least somewhat forgive me for being a complete jackass.”

I let out a small laugh, “You are forgiven. Though, this doesn’t negate the fact that you’re attracted to Angel, does it?”

He frowned and then groaned, “God, I’m such a damn fuck up!”

I laughed again which only served to confuse him. His expression showing it clearly.

“What’s so funny?”

I grabbed his hand and after kicking off my pants that were pooled around my ankles, I tugged him along with me toward my bedroom.

“You’re complaining about being a so called fuck-up to the nine realms’ biggest fuck-up. I’m no one to judge.”

He pulled me back toward him just as we made it inside my room. “Maybe not all the nine realms.”

“You are a little brat aren’t you?”

He shrugged, then shoved me onto my bed. “You love it, besides I’ve been called worse.”

We didn’t say much more after that.


	5. Revelations

Bucky

My foot tapped out a nervous tune as I took the elevator down to the gym. Friday was nice enough to let me know where Steve was. I definitely needed to talk to him, and I was terrified.

I shouldn’t be scared, not with Steve, but I couldn’t help the nervous energy flowing through me like a current.

Steve’s opinion of me matters the most out of everyone. It always has been. The world be damned as long as Steve was on my side.

Entering the gym, I immediately saw Steve pounding away at a punching bag. The echo of each hit bouncing off the walls, mixed in with his heavy breathing. He must have been at it for a while.

Thankfully this time of night the gym was nearly empty. The only other people there were two agents sparing on the other side. Without the enhancements that Steve and I have, there would be no way they could overhear our conversation.

Of course, that depends on whether or not I chicken out. Which is a great possibility since I’ve kept this secret from him since we were teens. 

I just hoped that when he’s done listening to what I have to say, he won’t resent me for keeping this from him. Or worse, look at me any differently. That above all else would hurt the worse.

I knew that once I realized my deep feelings for Loki, I couldn’t hide who I am anymore. This secret has taken a toll on me. 

When I told Loki that I was going to talk to Steve and tell him about us, about who I really am, his response was not one I expected. Truthfully, this is such new ground for me that I didn’t know what to expect anymore.

We were in bed at the time, his front pressed against my back. His left hand tracing the seam of each metal plate on my arm. I just kind of blurted it out.

“I’m going to tell Steve. I’m going to tell him about us.”

His hand paused and I scrunched my eyes up to prepare myself for whatever he had to say. 

“You don’t have to if you’re not ready. Don’t feel pressured to expose yourself in such an intimate way, just because we’re together. My own brother after 1500 years doesn’t even quite know for sure about my own sexuality. Not that I would be upset if he knew, it’s just I’m so use to keeping my personal life out of the public eye.”

He had reached around and hugged me tighter to his chest. “If you need to keep this a secret, I’ll do whatever you ask of me.”

That is what shocked me. I expected him to argue and tell me to be quiet, to not tell anyone. I know how much Loki’s privacy means to him. Especially on a world not his own, with people who already judge him far too harshly.

I turned around and wrapped my metal arm around his waist. “No, I need to do this. It’s long overdue. I don’t want to hide you like some dirty secret. I love you, you deserve better than that.”

His answering smile is what gave me the courage to come find Steve.

I watched him for a few minutes, trying to gather courage. Go figure, world renowned assasin, war hero afraid of a conversation with his best friend. God, when did I become this huge puss bag?

Steve stepped back and wiped sweat off his brow with the back of his forearm. That’s when he saw me watching him from the doorway.

“Hey Buck.”

He smiled, but only briefly. “What’s wrong? Is it Angel?”

Did my face really show that much tension? Apparently so.

“Nah, Angel’s good. She’s settling in nicely and even her and Nat have really hit it off apparently. They have a shopping trip planned for tomorrow to get her some new clothes. She’s resilient that one. She’s still pretty wary and very timid, but I think with time, she’ll do just fine.”

He nodded as he listened, “What about her seeing the therapist we discussed?”

I ran my hand through my hair, “She’s a little afraid to go. Not that I blame her, kinda hard to talk to a complete stranger about your problems. Even to people you’ve known almost your whole life can be hard to talk to, about difficult subjects that is.”

He frowned and paused in the act of unwrapping his hands. He seemed to truly look me over, probably assessing me, like he usually does.

“Bucky, are you ok?” I recognized the concern on his face. I’ve become accustomed to that look since we reunited after DC. Like he’s expecting me to break down at any minute. Or maybe have my switch flipped again and go full blown Winter Somdier on him.

I hated that look.

“I’m...”

I swallowed hard and balled my hands into fists, trying to stop them from shaking.

He came closer, but cautiously, like he was afraid I’d bolt at any moment. 

Hated that too.

“Bucky?”

My eyes shot up to his and I had to blink back the tears that threatened to fall. I wasn’t sure I could do this. My heart was racing.

“Bucky, you’re pale as a ghost, has something happened?”

Taking a deep breath, I willed myself to speak. Just speak dammit!

“I..I need to talk to you.”

He finished removing the tape on his hands and threw it in the trash receptacle near by. 

“Of course. Can you talk to me here or...”

He looked around at the gym, noticing the other people on the opposite side.

Wringing my hands together, I glanced nervously where his eyes had landed. “I, um..I think it’s fine here. If we go anywhere else I’m just gonna chicken out.”

He gave a nod and motioned toward a bench against the wall. 

I shook my head, “No, I kinda need to stand for this, but you may need to sit down.”

Steve sat down and looked even more worried. He spoke with a hushed tone, “Alright, now you’re really scaring me. What’s going on?”

“Steve, I need to tell you something and I’m afraid...afraid you’ll hate me when I’m done. I just want you to know that what I’m about to tell you, isn’t easy for me.”

That confused frown remained. “Bucky, I could never hate you, you know that. Whatever you have to tell me, I assure you that I’m not gonna ha..”

“I’m bisexual and I’m in love with Loki!”

It came out in a rush like word vomit. 

Steve sat there with his eyebrows practically reaching his hairline and his mouth slightly agape. He looked fully like the definition of shocked.

He didn’t speak. Oh God! 

“Please, say something.”

He opened his mouth to talk only to close it again, reconsidering what he was about to say. 

He cleared his throat and leaned his back against the wall. “How long have you known that you were...Uh..you know..”

And here is where he will start to hate me.

“Since I was old enough to know what sex was.”

He seemed to soak this in and look around the room but at nothing in particular. He sighed and returned his eyes to me. “So all this time, you liked both women and ..”

“Men, yeah. I’m so sorry Steve.” I hung my head and willed the tears to not come. 

“Why are you sorry? I should be the one apologizing.”

This got my attention like a smack to the face. 

“What?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, he gave me one of his lopsided smiles. “I should be the one apologizing, because you didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell me. I’m sorry Buck, I’m sorry you’ve had to keep this bottled up for the greater part of a century.”

It was my turn to look like a confused guppy now.

“Wait...What?”

He smiled and shook his head at my reaction. “What did you expect me to do? Yell? I’m only angry at myself Pal. Angry that I failed you as a friend.”

A tear slipped down my cheek, unable to be contained anymore.

“You don’t hate me for not telling you?”

He stood up and came to stand in front of me. “No, I don’t hate you.”

I let out a choked sob and presses my metal fist to my mouth to try and control the emotions desperately wanting to burst out of me.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed, making me look up at him. He was smiling.

“I have one question though, a pretty big one actually.”

I quickly wiped away my tears and nodded, “Yeah, sure, anything you want to know.”

With a crooked grin and a raised left eyebrow he about made me lose my shit right then and there.

“Were you ever attracted to me?”

I burst out laughing, this time the tears that came were from amusement. He joined in.

“God no! Seriously? You’re like a kid brother to me, that would be just weird! Not that your body now isn’t nice, cuz it is, but as for being attracted to you, hell no!”

We both cracked up laughing all over again.

“Not sure whether to be relieved or insulted, but I get it. I’ll go with relieved.”

There was an awkward silence for a few moments. I was unsure now what to say to him. 

“So, in love with Loki..that’s, Uh, somethin. Does he love you too? Does he even know? I didn’t even know he was gay, or bi, or you know, whatever.”

God he’s such a dork.

“Yeah, he knows. I told him yesterday. He’s bisexual as well. Don’t feel bad, I don’t think even Thor knew about that. Though he suspects it. Encouraging it actually.”

He retook his seat on the bench and this time, I joined him.

“Have you two, been intimate? Or is that too personal to talk about?”

He sort of cringed like he’s crossed a line or something.

“No, it’s ok, I mean it is personal, but how many times did I enlighten you on the tales of the ladies way back in the day? Pretty sure I didn’t hold back on details then. Why is this any different?”

He seemed to be waiting for me to say something. “Oh, sorry, yeah, we’ve had sex. It was...amazing! He’s amazing!”

I could feel my cheeks heat up with a blush from just talking about my sex life with Loki. 

“I’m glad you’re happy. But you didn’t really answer all my questions. Does Loki love you too?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. He hasn’t come out and said the words, but I know how hard it is for him to trust people and he’s gonna need time. Especially since I almost fucked this whole thing up with him.”

He frowned again, “How so?” 

“Well, I have this problem. I’m attracted to Angel.”

He smirked and rolled his eyes, “The entire team knows that, or pretty much anyone listening in on coms that day at the strip club. I was actually about o ask you about that. How does he feel about it?”

I shrugged and leaned my head back against the wall. “He understands. He was hurt at first, thinking I had pushed him aside already for someone else. But we’re working through it. He admitted to being attracted to her as well. But he also knows how much I love him.”

We talked for quite a while, eventually going back to his room and talked some more. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted of my chest and for the first time in my life, I felt like I could finally breath.


	6. Mutual Attractions

Angel

Natasha and I walked through the double doors of some fancy clothing store I’ve never heard of. If it didn’t come from The Good Will or Salvation Army, it was too expensive for me to afford. 

I felt out of place immediately. Though I think in general, I always feel out of place, even in my own skin. My first instinct to duck my head and make a hasty retreat.

“Oh no you don’t.” 

I looked at her with panic in my eyes as she pulled me fully into the busy department store.

“Natasha, I don’t belong here!”

She looked around and saw the numerous amount of people stopping and staring at my wings.

“Really? You know, you’re right..” My chest aches for a second that she now saw what I knew to be true. Only to be shocked by her raising her voice when she finished her sentence.

“There are way too many rude and disrespectful assholes in here.” 

Many who’d been staring suddenly averted their eyes and continued on with their shopping. I don’t think I could ever be that bold.

She looked back and motioned for me to follow her.

“Come on, don’t let anyone make you think less of yourself. You belong here just as much as the next person.”

I sighed and began to follow her. “Easy for you to say, you’re not a freak of nature.” I had mumbled it under my breath, not expecting her to really answer me.

She stopped so abruptly that I nearly rammed right into her back. 

“You are not a freak of nature. And it’s only easy for me because of my training and lots and lots of practice. Come on, hold your head up high, let’s go shopping.”

She grabbed my hand and smiled, tugging me toward the lingerie section. All I could do was shake my head and laugh at her choice.

“Really? Lingerie?”

She shrugged and began to look through a selection of panties.

“Why not? It is the first thing you put on right? Besides, nothing like a sexy piece of lingerie to make you feel unstoppable. At least that’s been my experience. But you know all about that.”

I laughed nervously and held up a black lace thong, “Yeah, I don’t get it, but clients always lose their minds when I’d wear something extremely sexy. I guess it distracted them away from the wings. Though, the type that usually frequent those places aren’t really the kind of want to attract.”

She scoffed, “Oh please, the reason they’d lose their mind is because you’re gorgeous, especially with your wings. It’s exotic and out of the norm, so people are drawn to that. That’s why they stare.”

I didn’t believe her, but then again I wasn’t about to argue with the Black Widow. She can be extremely scary when she wants to be. I wish I had just half of her confidence.

After buying my weight in lingerie, we headed to grab a bite to eat before hitting up the other stores in search of ‘normal’ clothing. Yeah, not gonna find much that I can wear, up top that is. Unless it’s a tube top or a halter top, I can’t even dream of wearing it.

We sat outside a deli and ate our selections. Natasha, a Turkey Club and me, Chicken on rye. I’ve heard of rye bread before but never tried it. I think it may be my favorite.

We were talking about nothing in particular, when a little girl, maybe four or five years old came running up to me.

“Look Mommy! She has wings! Can I have wings too when I grow up?”

Natasha smiled around the bite of sandwich. I wasn’t quite sure what to say or do in this situation. Normally I didn’t go out in public except only when I had to, and usually only at night. Easier to hide that way.

“Uhhh...”

The girl’s mother rushed to her and smiled shyly at me, “Sorry, I hope she didn’t disturb you. Come on Emily. Let’s go, we’ll miss our train.”

Emily pouted, “But Momma, I wanna touch them.”

Natasha kicked me under the table, motioning for me to say something.

“Umm...it’s ok, she’s not bothering me.”

The woman smiled, “Her favorite thing in the world is butterflies. She’s obsessed with anything really that flies.”

I waved at Emily, “Hi, you want to fly huh? It is prettt awesome.”

I glanced at Natasha and she had a smile plastered to her face. She motioned for me to continue.

Emily bounced up and down on her tiny feet, “Yeah, I wanna fly into the clouds, they look so pretty!”

I flexed my wings a bit and watched her eyes enlarge. “They are pretty.”

Pulling away from her mother, she reached her hand out, then jerked back. “Oh, wait, Momma said I’m suppose to ask first when I pet someone’s puppy...so, can I pet your wings? I promise not to be rough. I practice all the time on my kitty Lilly. She purrs when I do it.”

I was amazed at this small girl, how could I say no to her?

“Sure, I guess.”

Emily stretched out her hand and had a look of total amazement on her little face as she caressed my wing. My feathers glided through her fingers with such a gentle touch.

“Wow! They’re so pretty! I wish I had wings. Did you grow them yourself? Or are they glued on? I once had purple wings with glitter on it. But my brother Danny tore them up. He got in big trouble.”

I laughed...four year old logic!

“No, didn’t use any glue. They’re all mine. I’ve had them since I was around twelve years old.”

With one final pet of my wings, Emily was being tugged away by her mother. “Come on sweety, we’re gonna be late. Thank the nice lady so we can go, ok?”

Emily sighed and pouted up at me. “Thank you.”

I stared at the two’s retreating forms and then cracked up laughing along with Natasha as Emily accosted her mother all the way to the taxi.

“I’m gonna tell Daddy! You said people can’t have wings! I get in trouble when I don’t tell the truth. You need a time out!”

I think that little girl is officially my spirit animal. 

“Well, that was something.”

I had to agree. That has definitely never happened before. I was left flabbergasted to say the least.

After finishing our lunch, Tasha, as she now wants me to call her, led me across town to another store. 

“So what’s with you and Barnes?”

She had a devious look on her face. I’m sure she was just waiting all morning to ask me that question.

“Tell you the truth, I really don’t know.” I knew it wouldn’t appease her.

“Oh come on, that night at the club sounded pretty intense to me. Not to mention you two holding hands the night he brought you back to the Tower.”

I groaned and rolled my eyes. “Ok, yeah, that happened. Kinda shocked me too, to tell you the truth. I don’t usually get so..involved in my dances. Normally I kind of disconnect from everything, just to get it done so I can finally go home. Though I think it’s all sort of a moot point since his heart belongs to another.”

Her eyes widened in shock, or at least as much of a look of shock the Black Widow would allow you to see. It was more of an arched eyebrow thing.

“Wait, Bucky is in love with someone? Like who? Please tell me it’s Steve.”

I frowned, “Oh come on, you’re the world’s best spy and you don’t know who Bucky’s in love with?”

This time she narrowed her eyes at me. “Humor me, plus, I don’t have really cool mind powers to where I can sense the emotions of those around me.”

“Umm, if you don’t know, I’m not so sure I should say anything.”

“Of course I already know, it’s Loki.”

I gasped and paused walking, making her have to stop and turn around to see me fully.

“What the actual fuck Tasha?!”

She laughed and waved my explicit off, while simultaneously linking her arm with mine and making me continue walking.

“So it is Loki...interesting.”

I saw the smirk and proud look on her face.

“You totally played me, didn’t you?”

She shrugged, but still couldn’t hide her own self gratifying smile.

“Thank you, for your cooperation.”

A few moments passed before we both cracked up laughing all over again. I really do like her! I’ve never had a real friend before. I’ve been experiencing a lot of firsts these last week. 

“Don’t tell him you know, please, I don’t want to upset him by outing him.”

She pat my arm looped with hers. “Don’t worry, his secret is safe with me. Tell you the truth, I’ve sort of suspected that Bucky has a thing for Loki. There was something in the way he’d look at him. There was a longing there that I haven’t seen him have with anyone else. Except you of course. He definitely has a thing for you as well.”

I had to take a moment to absorb that little tidbit of information. Not that I didn’t already know, considering I could feel Bucky’s attraction to me every time he’s near me. Problem was, I’m very attracted to him as well. Not sure how that plays into the fact he’s in love with someone else.

“I hope he was able to make up with Loki. He’s been kinda mopping around the past couple of days. I could feel his heartbreak. I think it has to do with me being here. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.”

She rolled her eyes, “Men, such emotional babies. And they say women have mood swings. Don’t you put their problems on you. They’re big boys. I’m sure they will work it out. Or, you know, end up sharing your bed eventually.”

I had been looking at a top when she said it. I was so shocked that I dropped it in the floor.

“What?!”

She acted unfazed by the whole thing, picking up the shirt I dropped and holding it up against my body to see how it would look.

“Nope, this really isn’t your color. I’d go with Autum or winter colors.”

I just stood there and gawked. 

“Are we just going to ignore that fact that you said..”

“I know what I said. I’m just saying, they are both gorgeous and virile males. Loki gets a lot of animosity thrown his way too often, but I think if given the chance, I wouldn’t say no if he was asking. If you know what I mean. Come on, he comes from legend and nearly 2000 years old. He’s bound to know a thing or two in the bedroom.”

I must have looked pretty comical the way I was staring at her with a gaping mouth. This woman is nuts! Ok maybe not nuts, I do get her point, but still...damn!

“I, Uh, I’ll take your word for it.”

Several hours and blisters on my feet later, we finally made it back to the Tower. Besides a few outright rude comments and sneers, most people left me alone. Perhaps it’s because they recognized the Black Widow and were too afraid to say anything. Hell, I know I would be.

Walking toward my room with shopping bags in hand, laughing ahead of us got our attention.

Turning a corner, Bucky and Loki we’re heading straight toward us. I swallowed thickly as I felt both of their emotions at seeing me. It was excitement, lust and a major dosing of admiration, especially from Loki.

The tall Asgardian bowed slightly in greeting. “Ladies. I take it the day of shopping was a success?”

I looked at Tasha and when she didn’t answer, I felt compelled to do so myself.

“Yeah, it went ok..well, actually a little more than ok. Don’t think I’ve ever owned this many clothes before. In fact I don’t think I’ve worn anything new before to tell you the truth.”

I tried to laugh at the statement, only to chew nervously on my bottom lip as I saw the three exchange looks. I could feel their pity. It made me feel as if I were crawling in my skin, wanting to duck away from their sight.

“Well, it was nice seeing you two, but I have an early morning so I’m going to head to bed.” 

She looked at me warmly, I could feel her kindness and honesty at her next words.

“I had a great time today. We definitely need to do this more often. Too much testosterone in this Tower. Definitely could use some more allies, of the feminine persuasion.”

She hugged me briefly and wished me and the boys a good night. 

Once she left, I stood their awkwardly, shifting the large amount of bags in my hands. 

“Let us assist you my Dear, that’s quite the load you have there.”

I smiled up at Loki and relinquished some of my bags to both of them. 

“Thank you.”

I led them into my new quarters and told them to just set them down anywhere.

Again we all sort of stood there awkwardly..well, Bucky and I did. Loki had confidence rolling off of him in droves. It was a heady feeling, very similar to what I felt with Tasha. It was so strong that it seemed to calm me and give me some of his strength. 

“I take it you two kissed and made up?”

Bucky looked shocked, Loki just smirked and tilted his head a bit before laughing.

“Oh, I definitely like this one. Perceptive and forward, such a delicious combination.”

I blushed as I felt a wave of lust pour out of him. His eyes roamed my body freely, not even hiding the fact he was ogling me. 

Now normally when men did that, I was disgusted. But for some reason, when Loki did it, my body tingled as if his eyes had actually caressed my bare skin. 

“To answer your question, yes, James and I have...kissed and made up, as you put it. It appears we both have a dilemma on our hands. We both are attracted to you. So I’m curious, is the attraction, mutual?”

Bucky nearly choked on a gasp and nudged Bucky with his elbow. “Dammit Loki, what happened to taking this slow and waiting to see if she likes us too. Jesus!”

Loki rolled his eyes, “Slow is boring, I like the direct approach. As I remember, that served us well that first night.”

Bucky blushes, actually blushed and I couldn’t help but giggle a bit. I covered my mouth immediately to hide the noise. I shouldn’t be laughing at them.

“Well?”

I felt trapped like a deer in headlights as he stared med down, lips curling up into a devious smile. I was nearly trembling with how much lust was coming from him. With Loki it was all amplified for some reason, perhaps his heritage or biology had something to do with it, who knows.

“Umm..”

He made a tsking sound, “Tsk, tsk, tsk...come now, surely you could answer this one tiny question for us.”

He came closer and I almost felt lightheaded.

“I think you know the answer to that already. Or at least I know Bucky knows. Based upon what happened in the club. But as for you...”

I gasped as he reached out and ran a dexterous finger along the edge of my left wing.

“I’m all ears Love...please enlighten me.”

I shivered as his touch along my wing got bolder. I wasn’t use to such tenderness before. Most men would try to roughly grope them, only to get a knee in their crotch for the effort. No, this touch was, very erotic in nature. 

Licking my lips, his eyes watched the movement like a hawk. 

“Yes, I’m attracted to you..both of you.”

I glanced at Bucky and my breath nearly left my body as I saw his own lust mirrored back at me. What have I gotten myself into?!

“Now see, that wasn’t so hard, was it. I wonder. Would you allow me the pleasure of a kiss? Only fair since my lover has already tasted of your forbidden fruit.”

I looked between the two men and even though I could feel their strong feeling for each other, their attraction to me was as clear as day. 

“Ok, I guess that’s fair.”

He moved forward suddenly, making me gasp at his closeness. He cupped my cheek and stroked the skin with his thumb.

“So exquisite, truly you must be a Goddess to have bewitched me and James so. I wonder if you taste as good as you look?”

My eyes fluttered closed as the distance between us faded. His lips aligned perfectly with mine and a hum of enjoyment rumbled his chest as he kissed me.

My palms lay flat against his upper stomach, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. Every nerve ending in my body lit up and went into overdrive. 

Tilting his head, he deepened the kiss, caressing my bottom lip with his tongue. He suddenly pulled back and grinned wickedly, his pupils nearly eclipsing the green of his eyes. 

“Ambrosia. You taste like perfection.”

I wanted to object, but being in his and Bucky’s presence left me mute. Could I do this? Be with two men at once? When I haven’t even been with one before. Talk about running before you learn to walk.

Bucky has come closer during our kiss and a glance down made me blush, he was very much turned on. Well, that makes two of us. 

I chanced a look down at Loki...make that three of us.

“Tell me Darling, do you want us to leave? Or would you like to bed a God and one extremely attractive Super Soldier? Don’t worry..I don’t bite..too hard.”

Bucky smirked and rolled his eyes, “You’re not a God Loki.”

Biting his bottom lip and trailing a finger from my cheek to my collarbone, he locked eyes with me. “Let her be the judge of that.”

I was scared of moving forward, yet terrified of them leaving. I think Loki could see I was on the fence, and he knew just how to push my buttons.

“Come James, perhaps she needs a reminder of how wonderful your lips feel. He does have the softest lips, wouldn’t you agree?”

I do remember that part.

He pulled me forward and toward Bucky. His eyes roamed my face before settling on my lips. 

He gently took me in his arms, wrapping them around my waist to pull me close. I sighed as he too kissed me.

My hands roamed his biceps and shoulders, loving the feeling of his muscles below my fingers. 

Damn! He really does have the softest lips! 

I groaned then gasped into his mouth as I felt Loki behind me, stroking my wings. Leaning in closer, he whispered in my ear.

“We will make you feel pleasures that you’ve only dreamed about. All you have to do...is say yes.”

As his lips trailed up my neck from behind and Bucky’s were drawing ungodly moans from my mine, all I could do was nod. 

He smiled against my skin just below my ear. “I need words Love.”

Bucky pulled back and released my lips, his breathing labored. I nodded again and gripped Bucky’s shirt hard. 

“Yes! Stay, please!”

With a growl, Bucky attacked my lips again with enough force that I was plastered between the two men, both of their hard cocks pressing into me, giving me just a taste of what was to come.


	7. Jealousy

Loki 

All I could do was grin, my eyes meeting James’ as she admitted to wanting us both to stay. His lust pooling in the blue green depth of his eyes, mirroring my own.

He was so reluctant to broach this subject with Angel, afraid of her being too fragile and not clear headed enough to make a decision. 

I of course, didn’t agree. I also knew how much he wanted her. I couldn’t deny that.

I could sense her need, her longing to feel connected to another person...well in our case, persons. Her entire life force screamed out to me, wrapping its tendrils around my very soul. 

I knew from the first moment I met her that she was a powerful empath. I could feel power circling around her like a cool breeze on an autumn’s day. 

It wasn’t the only thing I felt that day. I felt a connection to her, like with James. The raw need to feel wanted, accepted....loved. She craved it like a junkie does their next hit. 

Her body shuddered between us as my arms circled her waist, pulling her against my chest, letting her feel my need. 

“Tell me what you want Love...tell me what your heart yearns for.”

James’ eyes locked into mine, his breath coming in pants as his arousal climbed. I knew what she already wanted. It’s what we all wanted, especially James.

“Please...touch me.” 

Her voice quivered with want and with her fear.

Touch.

Such a simple word, yet when you are starved of it, the word can feel like a mountain pressing in upon your chest.

I too know know what it’s like, to crave another’s touch. Not just a handshake or the occasional slap on the shoulder or back that Thor will grace me with.

No...true touch. The touch of a lover, someone who connects with you on an emotional level. The loving touch of a parent, holding you to their bosom, making you feel safe and secure. 

For so long, I regarded touch as something to be avoided. Once I realized maidens wanted me, only to get near Thor, I avoided anyone’s advances. Even when I was with men, I could sense their attraction to my brother. 

I was never enough...for anyone. Ever.

Then the pain started. As if that pain wasn’t enough.

After having my world and identity crash around me and falling into the void, my life was filled with nothing but pain.

Emotional, psychological and ungodly amounts of physical pain. The Other tortured me to the brink of insanity. On certain days, beyond it.

Touch after that...unbearable. Every attempt at trying to connect with anyone, only led me to have horrible nightmares. 

It’s why I felt a deep connection with James. He too knew what torture was, to fear closeness. Fearing it, yet craving it all at once. Know what it’s like to be viewed as a monster and feel as if you deserve the designation.

Angel was a kindred spirit. James could sense that as well. It’s what drew him to her.

That and the fact I knew he craved her body in the most primal way. She truly was, in all that mattered, a Goddess. 

Trailing my lips along her wing, my warm breath caused her to tremble. Ripples of arousal made her press harder against me. A deep groan leaving my chest.

Reaching out, I took ahold of James’ hand and placed it on her hip.

“Touch her, show her what pleasure truly is.”

He looked uncertain, wary of proceeding. I could sense his hesitation.

“It’s alright Love, I’m right here.” 

I wanted this for him, knowing this is what was best. For both of them.

He seemed to nod slightly, accepting that I was truly ok with everything. I knew how much he claimed to love me. I knew it, but still doubted. I think I’ll always doubt his love for me. 

Why else would he want Angel? If he truly loved me, would he want her just as badly? 

I refused to dive further into those thoughts, afraid of the answers. Knowing I wouldn’t like it.

I decided it was better to just accept what he was willing to give me, even if it wasn’t his whole heart. Even if it was just for today, this moment in time. 

Perhaps I was never meant to ever be truly loved. Even at birth I was cast aside. 

Father was right, my fate was always to die on that frozen wasteland. Every drop of affection that would pour from my lover’s lips, was more than I was ever meant to have. More than I deserved. 

Monsters weren’t meant to be loved.

James pushes his hands along her waist and ribs, causing a moan to leave her perfect lips as his fingers grazed the outsides of her breasts. Her knees nearly buckled beneath her.

I took the initiative and pulled her away out of his grasp, tugging them both along toward her bedroom.

“Come, let’s find a more...comfortable space to explore each other, shall we?”

A lamp illuminated the room, casting shadows and giving the room a more dark and intimate feel. Bright enough to see, yet dark enough to make you feel just a bit more secure, like a warm blanket.

I knew I needed to take the lead, both of my lovers still new to the act of physical intimacy. Especially with three all together. 

Leaning over, I caressed James against his cheek, raking my thumb along his lower lip, needing to taste the sweet nectar of his lips.

“Kiss me Love, kiss me.”

He groaned as we came together, our lips molding together like two perfect puzzle pieces. I held in the shuddered breath threatening to spill from me, showing how truly he affects me, body and soul. 

I grinned against his mouth as I heard Angel whimper beside us, my hand still linked in hers. Her hand tightened in mine, proving she too was affected by our kiss.

I knew she could feel what I felt, so I let her in. Fully. I wanted her to feel it all. If just for this moment.

I broke our kiss just in enough time to wrap my arms around her body, as she collapsed from the intense feeling rippling through her body.

Pulling her tightly to my chest, I wasted not a moment and took her mouth in a passionate kiss. Dragging the most delicious sounds from deep within her chest. 

Her hands clawed at my sides and back, trying to pull me as close as possible. She trembled with need, not just of her own, but mirroring ours as well. 

I could only imagine what she was feeling. How she was even able to stay coherent with as powerful as she truly was.

I made quick work of ridding her of her clothing, needing to feel her flesh beneath my hands. James helped me to lay her down gently upon her back.

With a single hungry look, we descend upon her welcoming body. She cried out as we each took a perfect breast into our mouths. Her back arched and searched out more, crying out for it.

Removing my lips and tongue, I watched my two lovers writhe against each other. A devilish grin slipping onto my face. 

“Do you want us both Darling? At the same time? Is that what you crave?”

The thought of being buried inside her, feeling James there as well, made me pulse with need in my pants. 

She nodded, her eyes popping open and I saw her fear.

“Yes, please...please God! But...I’ve never...I’ve...”

“You’ve never been with anyone before.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. I could sense her innocence like a perfume on her skin. It made me all that more excited to be the one to take her so intimately. Just as it had been with James.

James pulled himself from the path he had been taking down her body, to look up at me. Brow furrowing in worry.

“Loki, maybe...we shouldn’t be doing this.”

The moment Angel heard him, she shook her head violently.

“No! No, please, don’t stop. Please! I’m scared, yes, but I need this, please! I need you. Both. Please!”

How could we possibly say no to that?

Stroking James’ hair tenderly, I wanted to reassure him, her as well.

“I have never hurt you, I wouldn’t hurt her...I couldn’t. I’ll make it good for her James, she will only feel pleasure, I promise. Trust me.”

He nodded and looked almost sheepish to even think I would let her be hurt.

“I do trust you Loki.”

I looked down at Angel, “Do you trust me? With a little magic, I can make this experience, losing your virginity, more pleasurable than you could ever dare to dream of.”

She chewed her bottom lip as my thumb skimmed across one pert nipple. Eyes dilated with lust.

“Yes, I trust you. I want this. I want you and Bucky. Please, fuck me!”

James huffed out a laugh and I too grinned at her crassness. I knew she was digging deep for her bravado.

Endearing yet insanely hot all at once. I needed to be buried inside her soon.

“Oh we plan to Darling, more than once. But I do have one question, who do you want to take you first? Take you....here.”

I slipped my hand into her weeping quim. She was dripping wet and beyond ready for us.

“And....here.”

I lowered my hand, circling her rear hole, feeling her clench at just the thought of one of us there.

“B..Bucky...Bucky first.”

My heart twinged and her eyes darted to mine. I quickly guarded my thoughts and emotions, not wanting her to fully know the depth of my feelings.

She made to speak and I kissed the words right out of her mouth.

When I pullled back, I searched her eyes and smiled, “It’s ok, I understand. It’s how it should be.”

She frowned, until I kissed her breathless all over again. Making her forget my own insecurities she felt.

James stroked his hand down my back and across my rear, palming me, making me grind into the bed below me. 

Pulling myself away from her reluctantly, I let her watch as we undressed. Our hands finding our way to other’s cocks. 

She moaned lewdly, James as well, especially when I swallowed him down and sucked his cock. Opening one eye, I grinned around his length as I watched Angel fingering herself. 

Pulling off of him, he whined, until I instructed him to lay down on his back.

“Lay down Love, Angel needs your cock, she’s practically begging for it.”

She giggled as I winked at her.

“Isn’t that right Love?”

She nodded and pulled herself up off the bed when I motioned with my finger, asking her to come to me.

I positioned her to straddle James as I straddled his thighs. Kissing her wings as my hands circled her waist.

“Are you ready?”

She nodded, “Yes, please Loki, I’m ready!”

Pressing up against her back, her wings tickling my chest, I wrapped my left arm around her waist and held her tight.

I kept my eyes locked onto James’, his chest heaving from how turned on he was, cock throbbing and angry red, leaking precum. 

My right hand trailed down over her hip and her lower belly, sliding my fingers through her soaking wet folds. Spreading her lips, I positioned her directly over his cock.

She moaned as I rolled my hips and made his cock slide against her opening and bump against her clit. 

“Feel how hard he is? Feel how much he wants you?”

She moaned out a very sexy “Yes!”

With my fingers on either side of her opening, she felt my magic flow through her as I slowly lowered her onto my lovers cock.

James cried out in pleasure as he not only felt her tight, wet walls enclose around him, but also my fingers grazing his length as he entered her. 

Due to my magic, she felt no pain, only the pleasure. She shuddered and rolled her hips, already wanting more, even though he was balls deep inside her, their pelvis’ flush against each other. 

James grabbed her thighs, pressing up into her, needing to fuck so bad he could taste it. I could see it in his face.

The way he bit his lower lip, eyes rolling in the back of his head, back arching up off the bed. 

He was absolutely beautiful!

My heart lurched in my chest as I watched him. Pain hit me hard, my eyes misting up, knowing I wasn’t the one giving him that look. 

It should be me.

Because I lov...

“Loki?”

I jerked myself out of the hell going on inside my head as Angel curled her hand behind her and into my hair.

“Loki, it’s ok...it’s ok.”

I trembled and knew I had let my walls down and she was intimately aware of everything I just realized about myself.

I quickly pushed her out of my head, shaking it, choking back on the tears threatening to spill over. How could I have let myself feel that?! Let alone allow her to sense it.

My eyes locked again onto James’, he knew something was up, but he wasn’t quite sure what.

Thank the Gods!

I couldn’t allow him to know. He will never know just how much I truly care, the depth of my affections toward him. 

Because once someone knows your weakness, they can hurt you. If you love something, it can be taken away. 

I couldn’t bare that. 

Not from him.

I refocused my thoughts on our mutual pleasure. The very reason we’re all here in this position. 

“Ready for me Love? Ready for me to fuck your rear and let James and I take from you our pleasures? We will show you what true ecstasy feels like.”

She writhed and rolled her hips, making James moan louder.

Pressing her forward, James wrapped his arms around her, their lips joining in a passionate kiss. 

I refused to give in to jealousy, instead, using my magic, I grinned deviously as I easily slid into her ass. It squeezing me so tight that I cried out.

I needed to get rid of the pain I felt in my heart, so I gripped Angel’s wings and rammed my cock deep inside her. 

She screamed, so did James. I roared as I mercilessly fucked my lovers. I knew it was all from pleasure, I wasn’t that far gone to be that much of a bastard. An aura of my magic surrounded all three of us. 

Several times my lovers came, yet I still refused to let go. I knew what would happen if I did. I held off, refusing to feel it all.

A metal hand combed through my sweat soaked hair, tugging the strands to try and get me to look at him.

His voice was strained, on the verge of release again.

“Loki...Baby, please....let go. I’m right here, let go.”

I chanced a look into his eyes and I cried out, tears pouring down my cheeks as I finally let myself go. 

He and Angel followed right behind me, before we all collapsed in a heap. 

I didn’t realize that I was still crying silently, until a metal hand cupped my cheek and wiped them away. 

I was mortified that I had allowed so many emotions to break through. Terrified of letting them see me like this, I quickly pulled away and out of Angel’s warm depths.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I wiped my face clean and schooled my features, needing to regain some kind of composure. 

“Loki?”

I felt them both shifting on the bed, his voice full of concern. 

“Loki, look at me.”

I stood and turned toward them, making my clothing magically appear on my body, a fake smile plastered to my face. 

“Well, that was amazing, like I knew it would be. Now, if you’ll both excuse me, I actually do have somewhere I need to be. But please, don’t let my prior engagement stop you two from enjoying each other’s bodies.”

I began to back away from the bed and James frowned, crawling off the bed to come toward me, following me all the way into Angel’s living room.

“Loki! Wait!”

He grabbed my arm and spun me around, cupping my face in both his hands.

“Talk to me, what was that back in there? And why are you pulling away again? I thought you wanted this too? If you didn’t, then you should have said...I would have never done..”

Pulling away, I saw the hurt in his eyes, also slight panic. 

“I’m sorry, I just can’t do this anymore. I thought I could, but I’m just not the relationship type. Ask Thor, he’ll tell you all about how I can’t keep meaningful connections with anyone.”

He pulled me back again and his eyes were filled with tears.

“No! No, don’t say that! You can’t do this to me!! I know you want this! I know you love me!”

It took everything in me to not show how I truly felt. 

“No, I don’t. You mistake my hunger for your cock, any cock, as Love. Don’t fool yourself to think I would ever be capable of feeling anything, let alone Love. Natasha said it best...Love is for children, and I haven’t been a child in over 1500 years.”

The last thing I saw as I walked away and out the door was tears tracking down James’ face and Angel standing in the bedroom doorway with a sheet wrapped around her middle. 

She looked me dead in my eyes and I could feel her trying to reach out to me. 

With a definitive clench of my jaw, I pushed her out and left. Swearing to the Gods that I would never allow myself to ever feel that depth of emotion ever again. 

Yet it didn’t stop more tears from tracking down my face in angry lines. My heart felt as if it were being ripped from my chest. 

How could I have allowed this to happen?!

I fell in love.


	8. He Loves You

Bucky

I fell to my knees in the foyer as the door slammed shut behind him.

He doesn’t love me!

I couldn’t stop the harsh sobs that wracked my body. The one man I truly have ever loved and he just walked away. 

Angel knelt by my side and curled her wings around me, hugging me gently.

“Don’t you dare believe him. Do you hear me?”

I looked at her and she cupped my cheek.

“He doesn’t just love you, he loves you more deeply than I ever knew it possible for anyone to love another. I felt it. It rolled out of him like a tsunami. Don’t you dare believe his lies!”

I frowned and looked between her and the door, confused as to why this was happening.

“But why would he lie?”

She sighed and held my hand tightly.

“Why does anyone lie? Fear. Anger. Jealousy. Self preservation. I think that all applies to Loki.”

I stood and began to pace, panic setting in that I’d never be able to be with him again.

“I just don’t get it! Why?! Why push us all to be together if he didn’t want this?! Why? Just to walk away from me. Especially if he really does love me?”

Wrapping the sheet tighter around her body, she sat on the couch and watched me pace, pulling at my hair as I tried to wrap my mind around everything.

“He did it, because he knew you wanted me.”

I stopped pacing and looked at her. It’s as if it all just clicked into place.

“He doesn’t think I truly love him...does he? He’s so hard on himself all the time. He thinks he’s a monster and doesn’t deserve love. But he’s wrong, he’s so wrong!”

A tear slipped down Angel’s cheek and I rushed to her side, pulling her to my chest, kissing her gently.

“This is not your fault, got it? No matter what, I think this would have always happened. Even if you weren’t here. I need to prove to Loki how much I Love him. But how do I do that, without hurting you too?”

She smiled and cupped my cheek.

“I think you know what needs to be done. If you don’t say it, then I will.”

I shook my head and refused to believe what she was going to say.

“I’m attracted to you Bucky, I don’t deny that. I’m attracted to Loki too. But I don’t feel that pull to you both like you feel for each other. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for a deeper relationship other than this...sex.”

Pressing my forehead against hers, I knew she was right, though had a hard time admitting it.

“Go to him. I’m ok, I promise. What we all shared here today, I’ll always cherish. It’s made me realize how much I’ve been missing out on, what I need to look forward to. One day. But not today.”

I blinked back tears and gazed into her beautiful eyes.

“I’m so sorry about all of this. I really thought all three of us could have made this into something quite special. But...”

She smiled and seemed to read me all too well.

“But it’s nothing without Loki.”

I kissed her soundly goodbye before dressing quickly to go find Loki. No matter what, I needed to prove to him that not only do I love him, but that he deserves that love. That he’s more than enough for me, and always will be.

Loki

I wondered around New York aimlessly, keeping to the shadows. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. My heart was truly broken.

It was better this way.

Better me to leave him, then He to realize how much a waste of time I was on his energy. 

He and Angel belonged together, kindred spirits that were destined to be together. I could see it in his eyes the moment he laid eyes on her. That was the moment my heart truly began to shatter. 

If I’m being honest with myself, I fell in Love with James long before that fateful night of Stark’s Gala. 

He was the only one besides Thor that treated me with any respect. Listening to my thoughts and opinions, making me feel included. When everyone else was against me, he was the only one that felt to be on my side.

When he would smile at me, it always made me feel such wonderful things. Making my cold heart of ice begin to melt, thawing in the presence of his warmth and friendship. 

How was I ever going to be around him and not show how much I care? To never show the depth of my love while he showers his love on Angel. 

I could feel my thawed heart beginning to freeze back over. Self hatred helping to numb this deep sadness and loneliness...hopelessness. 

For hours and hours I roamed, finding myself walking through Central Park. The moon shining high overhead, telling of the late hour.

Suddenly my form was surrounded in a bright light, the roar of a jet engine suddenly over head. 

The booming voice of Captain Rogers echoed across the park.

“Don’t move a muscle Loki! Stay right where you are!”

My eyes widened as one by one, each Avenger began to surround me, weapons drawn, aimed straight at me. 

I knew this day would come. They would all realize they’d be better off getting rid of me, instead of putting up with me. 

I had a fleeting thought and instinct to fight my way out of the situation, only to realize it was better for it all to end. 

I raised my hands in surrender, surprised to see Thor taking up stance with my so called allies. 

“Et tu Brother?”

He shook his head, “You brought this upon yourself Loki.”

I wondered what it was that truly turned them all against me, but did it really matter?

“Well, be on with it then. Let it be done.”

Clint raised his bow, the glowing explosive tip of his arrow aimed at my skull.

“On your knees!”

I did as I was told, hands still in the air in surrender. 

I chanced a glance up and my heart slammed into my chest. There coming out of the shadows behind Thor...James.

He walked straight to me, gun in hand. This is how it will end. It was somehow fitting it would be him. I deserved nothing less.

He took aim and pressed the gun to my forehead.

“So be it.”

I closed my eyes.

When he didn’t fire, I frowned and opened my eyes as the press of the gun no longer was there.

The gun lay on the ground and James was kneeling in front of me.

I opened my mouth to ask what was going on, only to be silenced by James talking first.

“It’s so easy for you to believe that we would all turn on you and kill you, rather than accept the fact that I’m totally and completely and irrevocably in love with you?”

I gasped lightly and looked nervously around at all of his friends, knowing they were hearing all of this and what they must be thinking. 

Even Tony Stark in his suit, repulsors aimed at my head, stood listening.

“J..James..”

“No! It’s my turn to talk! You’ve said enough today, don’t you think?”

I swallowed hard and nodded, allowing him to speak. Not that I could talk much right now, with such deep emotions choking me.

“I get it. You know I get it. Thinking you’re a monster and believing yourself to not be worthy of someone’s love. But, you see, you’re worthy. You do deserve it. So do I. I deserve you. The one person who’s been able to make me feel more like myself than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.”

I shivered as he reached out and cupped my cheek, I couldn’t help but lean into his touch. 

“So stop being a self sacrificing jackass and try to push me away. Because I’m not going anywhere! Not now, not ever! I fucking love you so God damn much, and I know you love me.”

Tears slipped down my face as I opened my eyes and saw his comrades, his friends smiling, weapons down. 

Tony grinned and nodded toward Bucky, “Suck it up Buttercup, he loves you.”

The Captain smiled as well, “You’ll never find anyone more loyal than Bucky. He loves you.”

Clint and Tasha stood side by side, mirroring everyone else’s smile as well. 

Clint said definitively, “He loves you asshole.”

Tasha elbowed Clint, “Shut up! I know I said Love was for children Loki, but I’m not right...all the time. He loves you.” 

The Hulk who had been grumbling menacingly near my left, growled out, “Bucky love Loki. Loki stupid God.” 

I couldn’t help but grin, finally catching the one working eye of my brother.

“Don’t screw this up Brother. It’s not a joke, it’s not all a lie. It’s real. Very, very real. He loves you.”

I looked back at Bucky, tears slipping down his cheeks with a big smile on his face. I couldn’t believe my ears. He told everyone! Every single one that he’s in love with me. 

I was no longer something to be hidden.

It was out in the open, and everyone was pushing for us. Encouraging me. 

Me.

“Loki, Angel and I talked. We won’t be together. Not without you. Without you, I have nothing. I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life if I don’t have you with me.”

He opened his mouth to again say something and I reached out silencing him with a kiss.

When I pulled back, my hands gliding through his soft hair, he sighed as my lips left his.

“I’ve heard enough. In all my years, I have never felt the depth of emotions that I feel with you. I am insanely in love with you James. Without you, I am better off dead.”

Tony smirked and snorted, “Insanely is about right.”

I grinned and pulled James into a deep and passionate kiss, the remainder of our friends laughing hysterically as I lashed out with my magic and the once proud Iron Man was dressed in a pink tutu.

He cussed and ranted and the others teased him. James presses his forehead to mine and laughed as he looked lovingly into my eyes.

“That wasn’t very nice.”

I shrugged and pulled him even closer, “Desperate times call for desperate measures Love...now where were we?” 

He gasped as I wisked us away in a cloud of green haze, back into my bed, where we both belonged. 

 

Three years later.....

Loki

“Loki...why all the secrecy? What’s going on?”

I grinned as I led my Love down the corridor and to the secret destination I had planned for his birthday.

“All in good time Love, all in good time.”

He laughed and allowed me to lead him, having no clue what was about to happen.

Sitting him down into a chair, I backed away to watch.

Music began to come from speakers nearby, making James pull the blindfold away from his face. 

He gasped as Angel, who was dressed in the most delectable outfit known to man, came dancing toward him. His eyes going wide.

“What the hell?!”

Angel roamed her hands over her sexy body, “Just relax Birthday boy, Loki and I have big plans for you.”

James looked my way and I couldn’t hide the lust as I looked at them both. 

Angel rubbed all over him, his cock standing at attention in his jeans.

“Loki....Baby, are you, uh, sure, you know, about this?”

Angel and I exchanged a look before I answered.

“I think you need to shut up and let Angel work her magic. Then when she’s done, if you’re...up for it, we can take this back to our place and continue on with the birthday celebration. Angel’s learned a few tricks that’s she’s dying to show off, aren’t you Darling?”

Angel winked and pulled her black Lacey bra from her body, pressing her breasts against his chest. 

“Absolutely.”

Her eyes glowed a bright blue and James threw his head back in complete ecstasy, cuming instantly in his pants.

“What the actual Fuck was that?!?” 

I walked up to my lover and leaned down pressing the palm of my hand to his now wet but still throbbing crotch.

“Just a taste of what’s to come my Love. Happy Birthday.”

Angel ran her hand up my arm and her eyes glowed, I nearly toppled over with the extreme pleasure coursing through my body. By the time I opened my eyes again, James looked at me with such unbridled lust that made me shiver with even more want. 

“Take me home Loki.”

I winked at the man I Loved more than life itself and held both his and Angel’s hand, whisking us away in a cloud of green haze. 

Finally, after learning how to love, I was willing to share that love with others. 

Angel too found who she was, what she wanted and came into her own power. In more ways then one. 

What happened three years ago...it wasn’t the right time. We all needed to grow and learn a little about what it means to love. To heal. And maybe, just maybe, learn to accept love from others.


End file.
